Every Intention Gone Wrong
by rlturner79
Summary: Martin’s in Cuba just before the rise of Fidel Castro…why he’s there and who he meets will change his life forever. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** Story was written for an AU story challenge on the "prettyglass" community on Livejournal. In accordance with the challenge I put Martin and Danny into an event in history…the revolution in Cuba in the late 50's/early 60's. I did not, however, research the actual subject much & was just going on what I know from school. So any historical mistakes are mine.

**Chapter 1**

The inside of the nightclub was dark, smoky, strangely detached. No one showed either of them any interest, and as they moved away from the bar to an even darker corner, Martin was sure that they wouldn't be remembered. There was no reason to after all. They'd come in, they'd ordered drinks, they'd moved away. Maybe Martin stayed too close to Danny, but he doubted that was a detail anyone else would have picked up on. He tried to remain calm, collected as if he frequented such places often. Not thinking about it at all was his best bet, he knew, because undue nervousness would be easy to spot. The fact that he didn't belong could be overlooked if he just acted as if he did.

But if someone asked…if someone came looking for the outsider, the _American_…Martin couldn't be sure that someone wouldn't identify him. Vague description and cloudy memory or no…it was still a possibility. However, being caught wasn't his main worry tonight. Irrational maybe, because being caught would mean several horrific things, death probably being the easiest.

No, his main worry was Danny. Danny who seemed to have weaved a spell around him. Relentless, beautiful, tempting Danny. Martin couldn't deny being attracted to him or wanting to be close to him…among other things that absolutely terrified him. He had never felt this way about anyone before; it left him unnerved, unsure of himself and at a complete loss of what he should do. He'd known Danny for almost two months now and more often than not he was still trying to figure the other man out. What he did know was that Danny made him feel alive. He made Martin feel _real_, that he didn't have to pretend to be someone he wasn't. Martin had never had a friend like him before. Even superficially it was different; Danny made him smile, caused him to blush, and often had him laughing. It was such a rarity for him…to feel so lighthearted and carefree, and despite the reason he was in Cuba and had befriended Danny in the first place looming over his head, he felt more relaxed than he could ever remember being. It didn't mean he wasn't still plagued by fear though. Danny was a mystery to him, someone he had no idea how to figure out. And the things he made Martin feel were even more perplexing…and downright frightening if he thought about it for too long.

Tonight was no different. He had met Danny earlier for dinner; it was simple, easy. Then Danny had asked him here, to this club whose name he couldn't even remember, saying it would be secluded and private, his eyes conveying something more that Martin had failed to understand. But he hadn't said no, had agreed simply because Danny had asked. Had agreed because it meant getting to spend more time with Danny…even if they had already spent a good portion of the day together. Martin was quickly finding himself unable to get enough time, often felt restless when he _wasn't_ with Danny…

"It's hardly the flashiest club in Havana, but," he paused, laughing lightly, "Well, I don't see me taking you somewhere flashy, do you?"

Martin jumped, the touch of Danny's hand on his shoulder startling him out of his thoughts. He looked up into the other man's dark eyes, saw their expectant, slightly amused look and he blushed, shaking his head and taking a quick sip of his drink. "I'm sorry Danny, I wasn't paying attention…did you say something?"

Danny smiled, eyeing Martin curiously for a few moments, something which he did often enough. Something which never failed to make Martin feel uncomfortable as if Danny were seeing something in him that Martin couldn't figure out. But then he smiled, eyes twinkling as if he had just confirmed a secret and wasn't planning on sharing it. "Nothing important just small talk…about the club."

"It's…nice," Martin remarked, still unnerved and shaky. Of all the time he'd spent with Danny, tonight seemed to be different. Almost as if it were the culmination of those other moments.

Danny laughed again and looked at him a little incredulously. "Nice? I don't know if I'd say that…it's more of a dive…"

"So you only take your important guests to the nice places?" Martin teased, smiling up at him.

Danny grinned. "Exactly."

Martin held his gaze for a few moments before looking away again. They stood side by side against the wall towards one of the corners of the room. Someone had put enough money into the jukebox to play a few songs, the records scratching lightly as the music filled the club. Not loud enough that they couldn't hear one another talking, but it served to make their darkened corner even more intimate.

"Do you come here a lot?" Martin asked.

Something flashed in Danny's eyes and he shook his head. "Not recently."

Martin wasn't sure what to make of that answer, but he nodded in response and took another swig of his drink, something sweet and strong. Danny had ordered it for him and for the life of him, Martin couldn't remember what it was called. He'd been too busy observing the atmosphere and concentrating on Danny's proximity.

"Do you need another?" Danny asked, motioning towards his drink.

Martin glanced down, surprised to see his glass almost entirely empty. He shook his head and finished it off. "Nah, I'm okay." The last thing he needed was to get drunk; and he knew his limit and it wasn't very much. He also knew that the more he drank, the more he talked and there were several things he needed to keep a secret.

The main one being the real reason he was in Cuba of course, but more mortifying probably were the feelings he had for Danny…feelings that he could easily see himself confessing were he to have very many more drinks. And then he'd lose him, the only person he'd ever felt truly comfortable around…an inevitability no matter what he did because of why he was here, but it was something he wanted to postpone for as long as he possibly could.

Almost two hours later though they hadn't left, had moved to a table in the corner, and it had seemed silly to keep refusing another drink. He wasn't drunk, but he wasn't completely sober either. But the reasons he'd had for not drinking seemed hazy; he was so much freer this way. He could talk to Danny without hesitation, without thinking his answers through to make sure they were _safe_. And Danny seemed to notice because Martin couldn't remember seeing him smile as much as he was now. It gave him a warm feeling that rushed through his entire body. The only difficult part was that he still had to pretend; he couldn't be entirely honest with Danny without giving himself away.

He wasn't sure if they had made the conscious decision to leave the bar or if they'd just suddenly – and mutually – decided that they'd had enough. It was nearing one a.m., and although he'd gotten up early that morning, Martin didn't feel at all tired. Being with Danny gave him an energy he'd never had before.

Something shifted as they stood up, and Martin swallowed hard, caught by the look in Danny's eyes. Another song came over the jukebox, low, sultry. The smoke hung low in the air and it almost seemed as if they were alone.

"Martin…" Danny's voice was soft, husky. It sent shivers down Martin's spine, made his body tighten, becoming more and more aware of Danny's presence – and how close he was – with every second.

He looked up, mouth open as if he were going to say something, but there was no sound. Danny was right in front of him, eyes dark, filled with something Martin was drawn to but infinitely afraid of, and he leaned closer, hand skimming Martin's shoulder, down his arm, fingers light as they played over the skin on his wrist. "Follow me," he murmured into Martin's ear, breath warm.

He swayed unsteadily on his feet, wanted to lean forward into Danny, wished he was brave enough to reach out, run his fingertips over the skin on Danny's neck. He nodded, blue eyes glassy as they looked up at the other man.

As soon as Martin had given his consent, Danny's fingers encircled Martin's wrist, pulled him along, towards the back of the club and out the door to the rear alley. The night air was warm, the darkness broken by the moonlight and the lingering dim glow of the club. It seemed surreal somehow and Martin could only follow, his skin burning where Danny's hand touched it. His knees wobbled when the other man turned, let go of Martin's wrist, pressed his palm lightly to Martin's neck, his other arm slipping around his waist. Martin couldn't catch his breath, felt his back press up against the brick of the building, rigid where Danny was malleable in front of him. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment as Danny moved closer, pressed up against him, his fingers tipping Martin's head upward. Wide-eyed, he looked up at Danny and swallowed hard, struck by the look in his brown eyes, the one he couldn't mistake for anything other than desire.

And this couldn't be happening, couldn't be real…because this had never happened to him before. His arms were at his sides, his heart was pounding in his chest and he licked his lips nervously before he could stop himself. Danny's eyes flitted down to Martin's mouth and Martin watched as he bit his bottom lip. Martin felt his breath catch as Danny moved even closer and gently swiped his thumb across Martin's lower lip. They were pressed together now from chest to thigh, Danny's arm tight around his waist, their faces inches apart. Martin felt hot, dizzy, terrified beyond belief and absolutely clueless as to what he should do next.

But he didn't have to worry; Danny took that next step without waiting. Danny kissed him. Time seemed to stop, the nervous rushing in his ears died away and his body turned to liquid. His lips were soft against Martin's, the kiss gentler than he would've guessed. Danny's hand slipped through his hair and Martin shivered, feeling weak all over as the kiss grew. Tentatively, he raised his arms and gripped lightly to Danny's shoulders, felt Danny's soft smile against his lips. Suddenly, it was all warm breath and the soft insistence of Danny's tongue against his lips and Martin shivered, his head spinning as he opened his mouth. Danny's tongue touched his then, the kiss deepened, and he was helpless to resist. Slowly, uncertainly, he kissed Danny back, trembling as Danny explored his mouth.

And how he'd come to this point he still wasn't sure. All of those hazy fantasies, the dreams he had never quite let himself complete…_this_ was what he had wanted. Danny's hands on him, Danny kissing him…and _God_, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted. So _much_ more and it was so very wrong.

He pulled away then, breathless, shaken. "Danny this is…wrong," he whispered. He shivered as he looked into Danny's eyes, saw how they were brimming with desire – _for him_ – and saw his swollen lips, felt his warm breath against his face, the heat of his body pressed so close. And Martin was still desperate to touch Danny's skin…to see if it was as soft as it looked. If it tasted as sweet as his mouth. Startled by the intensity of his thoughts, he tried to step backwards, to clear his head, but the building was behind him and he had nowhere to go. "Danny…" he pleaded, still trapped in the other man's arms. If he didn't get away now, he was afraid that he never would.

Lust slowly faded from those dark eyes, replaced instead by something softer…worry almost. He frowned and removed his hand from the small of Martin's back, bringing both hands up to cup his face. "You've never done this before have you?" he asked softly, no trace of scorn in his voice, only concern.

Martin shook his head, found himself unable to look away from the other man. Found himself unwilling to leave the warmth of Danny's body, the gentleness he glimpsed in his eyes. But this was…wrong. So many times in the past, he'd fought these sorts of feelings, had tried so hard to make them stop, but they'd never been this strong before. Danny drew something out of him that no one else had ever been able to touch. In his genuine friendship and care, Martin had found trust, which had made it harder to resist.

"You've never been with another man, have you Martin?" he murmured absently, almost to himself.

"No," Martin answered hoarsely. "I…this is…_wrong_ Danny," he said desperately, looking for validation.

Danny frowned at that and shook his head slightly. He brushed his thumb over Martin's bottom lip again and slipped his other hand to the back of his neck, fingers playing softly over the sensitive skin. He kissed Martin again; deep, searing kisses that made Martin's heart pound in his chest, had him reaching to wrap his arms around Danny's back before he could think to do otherwise. When they finally pulled apart, Martin was surprised he hadn't collapsed, knew he had the wall behind him as well as Danny's arms to thank for that.

"Does it feel wrong?" Danny asked, his lips brushing Martin's swollen mouth.

"No," he breathed in response, surprised at the conviction of truth he felt shiver through him. It didn't _feel_ wrong; nothing about being with Danny felt wrong. But he knew that it was…or at least he thought it was. Confused by the feelings rushing through him – both physical and emotional – he shook his head, reaching out with trembling fingers to touch Danny's neck, sighing softly as he finally got to feel that warm, smooth skin. He was instantly greedy for more. "Danny, I don't…I don't know what I'm doing," he whispered, eyes looking everywhere but at Danny's own.

Danny paused for a minute, not responding or pushing any further. Finally, he tipped Martin's chin up, forced him to meet his gaze and he kissed him gently, fingers brushing over his jaw line. "I want to take you somewhere Martin," he murmured. "I…I didn't know that…" he trailed off, sighing. He seemed frustrated, but somehow Martin sensed that it wasn't _him_ that he was frustrated with. "I should've realized," he added, almost to himself. "Do you trust me?" he asked, eyes focusing on Martin again.

It was easy to nod right away, because he did trust Danny. Implicitly. Even now – especially now – wrapped up in his arms under the moonlight in a back alley of Havana. "Yes."

Danny bit his lower lip and searched Martin's eyes for a few moments, almost as if he were expecting him to change his mind. But eventually his gaze softened and he pressed another soft kiss to his lips, and then across his jaw and cheek, his ear. "I'm going to take you back to your hotel. I need to get a few things and then I'll be back to pick you up in about forty five minutes, okay?"

"And then what?" Martin whispered, eyes fluttering shut as Danny's lips moved gently against his ear. He tightened his hold on the other man, quite addicted to the feel of being in Danny's arms by now.

Danny pulled back slightly so he could look into Martin's eyes. He smiled softly and ran his fingers over Martin's cheek, leaning in to press a small kiss to his lips. "I have a small house, north of the city, isolated from, well everything. It's along the water. My father left it to me when he died…" he trailed off for a minute, frowning, but it was gone quickly and he shook his head. "I want to take you there."

Martin looked at him carefully, excitement and nerves battling for dominance. More than anything he wanted to go with Danny, but he was wary, nervous. "Do you take a lot of people there?" he asked softly. He trusted Danny, yes, and he genuinely believed in his friendship, but he was in unknown territory now and he didn't quite know how to tread.

Danny cocked his head to the side curiously, a small smile flitting across his lips. He cupped Martin's face in his palms and kissed him again, deeply, pulling back only when they were both breathless and trembling. "I've brought a lot of people _here_," he said, eyes darkened and intense. "I've never taken anyone to that house; I want to take you there."

Martin could only nod, still speechless from the last kiss, from the look in Danny's eyes and the solemn tone of his voice. A few moments later, Danny's expression softened and he kissed Martin lightly, finally breaking their embrace when the kiss ended. He grasped Martin's hand in his own and pulled him along, back through the alley to the front street and to where Danny's car was parked.

"I'll be back," Danny said softly as he stopped the car in front of Martin's hotel. He reached over and gently squeezed Martin's hand. "Forty five minutes."

Martin looked over at him and nodded, wishing he could say something but he was unable to find his voice. Instead he gripped tightly to Danny's hand for a moment before getting out of the car.

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

They were quiet for most of the drive up the coast.

Once inside his hotel room, Martin had been able to think up hundreds of excuses to say no to Danny. Each of them sounded worse than the previous one, and basically boiled down to one conclusion: he was scared. He wasn't brave enough to take this step with Danny, with anyone. He wasn't even brave enough to want to do this for himself. But somehow, he'd done it anyway. Without letting himself think too much, he'd put some clothes into a bag, had grabbed his toothbrush and sat down to wait. It was only when he glanced at his watch and saw that forty minutes had already passed that he realized just how much time he'd spent sitting on the edge of his bed thinking up ways to chicken out. But it was the memory of Danny's kisses, of the way he'd felt being held in Danny's arms that drew him out of his thoughts. As a last thought he called in a quick message to Washington and locked the hotel room behind him before he could think up another excuse to stay.

Thankfully, Danny was already waiting for him along the curb when he came outside. Martin was entirely sure that if he'd had to wait for him that every second that went by would make it easier for him to turn around and go back inside. But Danny smiled warmly at him, took his bag and threw it into the trunk of his car and motioned Martin inside.

Danny looked at him for a few moments and Martin blushed, meeting his eyes for only a second before turning away. He jumped when he felt Danny's hand on his, fingers threading their way through his own. He drew in a shaky breath and looked at the other man again, saw promise and patience in those brown eyes, and he suddenly felt…better. Calmer. Not quite brave enough to speak, but brave enough to stay in the car, to let Danny take him away.

"We're here," Danny said softly, breaking the silence they had imposed since he had picked Martin up almost an hour and a half ago.

Martin looked over at him, startled. He had been so lost, gazing out the window at the darkness of the unlit countryside, the small sliver of moonlight glinting off the ocean, peeking through the darkness here and there. Occasionally, an oncoming car's lights would illuminate the roadway; a dim light from a house would intermittently break the span of darkness. So Martin was surprised now when they had just sort of stopped, no real destination visible.

"We are?" he asked skeptically.

Danny laughed and turned off the ignition before stepping out of the car and stretching his arms over his head. Martin took a few moments to let his eyes adjust to the surrounding darkness as he got out of the car. He blinked a few times and looked around. He could hear the rush of the ocean nearby, could smell the sea air in the warm breeze, but there was nothing around for miles that he could distinguish as anything but countryside. He jumped when Danny's hand grabbed onto his arm, blushing at Danny's low laugh. "Come on," he murmured, pulling Martin along with him, both of their small bags slung over his other shoulder.

It was a short walk down a small hill to where Danny's house laid, nearer to the beach but not right along it, closer to the edge of a sand dune, an open field before it. Martin shivered as Danny's hand slid down to lace their fingers together and pull him closer.

"Danny…" Martin whispered, swallowing hard as the moonlight found its way around a cloud and gave him a better glimpse of the small house. He was scared. Any closer and it would all become so real. He shut his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths. He wanted this. He really did, whatever it was…he still wasn't entirely sure. Danny had stirred feelings in him that he'd long since tried to repress. And earlier, when Danny had kissed and held him he hadn't wanted to let go; he wanted more even if he didn't know entirely what more would entail.

He heard Danny set their bags down, heard him sigh softly; he shook a little when he felt Danny's hands on his face and he didn't resist when the other man pulled him into his arms. "Martin, look at me," he said softly. Trembling now, Martin opened his eyes and met Danny's gaze, surprised when he saw softness there. "We'll take this all at your pace," he murmured, fingers running through Martin's hair. "If there's anything you're not ready for, anything you're not comfortable with…just tell me."

Martin looked at him for a few minutes, still nervous, still wary…but ultimately trusting what he saw in Danny's eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded, leaning a little further into Danny's embrace.

"Okay?" Danny asked softly.

Martin nodded again, smiling bravely. "Okay."

The inside of the house was different than what Martin had expected. He'd only been to Danny's family's home in Havana a few times. Mostly they spent time out together or occasionally at Martin's hotel. But Danny's home was flashy, rich…a notable sign of their wealth and standing and that they didn't want it to escape anyone's notice. But this house was different. It wasn't exactly humble but it was softer, more modest and _much_ more welcoming. Danny turned on a few lights and set their bags down on a chair, turning to face Martin with a smile, his arms outstretched.

"I like it," Martin said warmly. Danny smiled more fully in response, his eyes proud. "You said your father left it to you?" he asked, stepping closer to him.

Danny motioned him closer, sitting down on the couch and nodding for Martin to join him. He sat down next to Danny, but not so they were touching, something Danny changed quickly, slipping his arm around Martin's shoulders and pulling him a little bit closer. Martin stiffened at first but just for a moment before he remembered that he wanted this and that Danny wasn't going to be angry, that no one was around to watch him with scorn.

He relaxed against Danny and heard the other man sigh happily, pulling him closer still, reaching out to grasp Martin's hand with his free one. "My brother hates that I got something that he has no access to," Danny said. "Of course, if he owned this house he'd never come here. He hates it here in fact. Even when we were younger, when my father was still alive and he brought us both here, Rafi would complain for hours about how far away from the city we were, how there was nothing around for miles and what were we supposed to _do_ stuck out here in the middle of nowhere?" His voice was soft, but Martin could hear a mix of nostalgia and bitterness in it. "I never minded. In fact I liked it here better than the city…it was so quiet and peaceful."

Martin shifted slightly so he could look up into Danny's eyes, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. "But Danny, you like the city," he protested. "The noise, the craziness, the way nothing ever stops…you thrive there. I've watched you," he said, blushing slightly.

He nodded. "I know, you're right. But back then…and well, even now…I like being able to escape, to just be on my own for a while."

And that was something Martin had no trouble understanding. Absently, he nodded, his eyes drifting from Danny's eyes to his mouth and then his neck. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Danny's neck, fingers trembling slightly as they moved over that soft, golden skin. He heard Danny sigh softly and he looked up sharply, yanking his hand back as if burned.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Danny quickly grasped his hand and squeezed it tightly. His eyes were intense and Martin found it impossible to look away. "You can touch me Martin," he said, voice low. Slowly, Danny let go of his hand, eyes never leaving Martin's wide-eyed gaze. His fingers ached to touch Danny again; he'd just been suddenly afraid that he'd overstepped a boundary, wasn't sure what was okay and what wasn't. Shaking slightly now, he bit his bottom lip and put his hand on Danny's neck again, fingers sliding gently over the soft skin and then into his hair. He had to bite back a whimper as he thread his fingers through the silky, dark strands.

Danny's eyes darkened and he shivered at the soft touch, slowly sliding his other arm around Martin's waist and pulling him closer. He leaned down until their foreheads were touching and Martin felt his breath catch in his throat. "Danny?" he whispered, licking his lips nervously.

"Hmm?"

"I want…" he swallowed hard, unsure how to get the words out.

Danny shifted slightly, moving so they were pressed even closer together. He ran his hand through Martin's hair, letting it rest at the back of his neck. "What do you want?" he prompted softly.

"I…I want you to…would you…kiss me again?" he asked shyly, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment as well as desire.

He felt Danny shiver against him and it sent a wave of longing through Martin's body. Because Danny was looking at him like there was nothing else he wanted in the world. Danny was holding him like he was something special and something Danny wanted…badly. And when Danny finally complied, Martin's eyes fell shut and he whimpered as their lips touched.

It was slow at first, picking up where they had left off before as Danny's arms came around him. But Martin was beginning to feel more, _wanted_ more as Danny made the kisses deeper. He moaned softly when Danny's tongue touched his, his kisses more insistent than before, deeper. He felt Danny's hands move slowly down his back, pulling him closer. Martin gasped as he felt Danny's hand slip beneath his shirt and press against the small of his back. Their kiss broke and he found himself panting for breath, staring up at the other man desperately.

He watched as Danny shut his eyes for a few moments and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again he kissed Martin gently, one hand on his neck now, the other still pressed firmly against his back, burning against his skin. Martin couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips as Danny began kissing his neck, shivered when Danny's tongue licked his skin, all the while Danny's hand kept rubbing his back, his other hand tugging gently on his hair. They broke apart again and Martin put his hands on Danny's shoulders, breathing heavily and looking into his eyes.

Gently, Danny brushed the back of his hand over Martin's cheek. "Too fast?" he whispered.

"I…no, not really just…maybe a little…" Martin answered, his words disjointed, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. He wanted to be more confident, more sure of himself and what they were doing. But this was all so new to him, and everything that Danny was making him feel was both incredible and frightening. "I don't want to stop," he added, looking at Danny earnestly.

Danny smiled softly and nodded. When he kissed Martin again it was still deep, still full of desire and passion and everything Martin wanted but was still wary of…but it wasn't quite as pressing. Martin felt himself melting into Danny's embrace, still so amazed that the other man was being so careful with him, so patient. He knew Danny's reputation and knew that he'd been with plenty of people sexually. He had no reason to do this, to wait, to go at Martin's pace. He could've had anyone he wanted; someone who would've been willing to give him what he wanted without any hesitation. But Danny was here with him instead, giving no indication that he'd rather be anywhere else. And Martin believed that.

They made out for a long time, kisses alternating between light and sweet to desperately passionate. And the longer it went on, the more Martin found himself wanting more, and he wasn't quite so nervous. He let his hands wander – just a little bit – over Danny's body, wanting to know what he felt like. When Danny shivered from his touch, it made Martin grin into their kisses, surprised that he had such an effect on Danny.

When Danny kissed his neck again, Martin tilted his head to the side giving him better access. He trembled as he felt Danny's hand slip beneath his shirt, trailing upwards from his stomach and around to his back again. He moaned into Danny's mouth and arched upwards before he could stop himself. Danny growled softly as he felt Martin's hips press against his own, felt how hard he was. And before fear or embarrassment could set in, Danny sucked Martin's tongue into his mouth and made things more potent. His head was spinning, he felt dizzy and out of control, afraid yes, but not enough to make him stop. He wasn't sure he could.

"Danny…" he moaned, hands pressing into the other man's back, needing him closer.

And Danny came closer willingly, his mouth on Martin's neck again, sucking, nibbling the soft skin there. Martin knew he was trembling, knew Danny could feel him, and it was still amazing to him that Danny seemed as affected by all of this as he was.

"Martin…" Danny whispered, eyes dark, passionate as they peered into his own. Their faces were inches apart and they were both breathing heavily, lips swollen and wet from their kisses. Martin couldn't look away as Danny held him captive with his gaze. His arm was tight around his back, his other hand pressing gently against Martin's stomach. Martin whimpered as Danny kissed him again, softly for just a moment and then deeper, licking his way into Martin's mouth, their tongues touching as Danny explored his mouth.

And suddenly the heat was _more_, it was insistent and powerful and he felt his whole body tremble. White-hot heat as Danny cupped his erection through his pants, sucking insistently on his tongue, pulling him closer…all at once, too much. He moaned into Danny's mouth as he came, fingers digging into his back as he fought to keep Danny as close as possible, his body shaking as the orgasm washed over him.

Danny's kisses softened, gentle swipes of his tongue into Martin's mouth and then against his lips, calming. His held Martin tightly with one arm, the other hand still pressed against him, making the pleasure last longer. Martin whimpered softly when Danny finally removed his hand, moving to pull Martin completely into his arms, tangling their legs together as they half lay, half sat on the couch. He slid one hand gently through Martin's hair and let it rest at the back of his neck, pressing soothing kisses along his jaw, his chin and then to his lips.

"Open your eyes," Danny murmured, his breath warm against Martin's already-flushed skin.

Martin did as he was asked, still not sure if he should be thrilled or mortified with what had happened so far. He met Danny's eyes for only a second before looking away, brought back immediately by the gentle insistence of Danny's hand on his cheek.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly, forehead creased in concern.

"I…I didn't…expect…that…I've never…" he stuttered, biting his lower lip and blushing again. He knew it wasn't a secret that he was inexperienced with all of this, but he'd hoped to have Danny think that he'd done at least _a little_. But twenty-six years of life had yet to afford him any real sort of sexual experience. Until now, it seemed.

"That," Danny whispered, "Was one of the hottest things I've ever seen."

Martin looked at him quickly, curiously and Danny kissed him again. "But I…Danny I've never…" he trailed off again, helplessly.

Danny nodded, his eyes calm and patient. "It's okay baby," he said softly, voice low. Martin trembled in his arms. "I know."

And Martin watched him curiously for a few moments, sensing that maybe Danny really did know, that maybe Martin had given himself away in that alley in Havana. How he'd been so flighty and desperate, whispering his insistence that what they were doing was wrong, yet contradicting his words with how much he wanted Danny.

Sighing, Martin buried his face against Danny's throat, kissing the skin softly as Danny tightened his hold on him. "Thank you," he murmured.

They sat there a while longer and it was nearly dawn when Danny stirred, pulling Martin to his feet. "Come on," he whispered, tugging Martin after him into another room.

A small wave of apprehension washed over Martin as he realized that this was Danny's bedroom, but he was so tired and sleeping in a bed rather than in a half seated position on the couch – no matter how comfortable he felt in Danny's arms – was very inviting. Danny rummaged around in one of the drawers for a few moments before handing Martin a pair of pajama pants and a white t-shirt and then grabbing a set for himself. They changed clothes in silence and Martin's nerves only returned when he actually thought about the fact that he was crawling into bed with Danny.

"Danny?" he asked tentatively, perched on the edge of the bed, watching as Danny settled himself beneath the blankets and fluffed his pillow a few times to make it more comfortable.

Danny looked up at him and reached out his arm, gently pulling him down into bed, lifting the blankets for Martin to crawl beneath. Once he was there, Danny slid closer, wrapped an arm around him and kissed him tenderly. And there was no way Martin could resist – even out of fear – not when Danny made him feel so safe and secure. And despite the Martin of a few months ago – even weeks ago – who would have insisted this was wrong, he snuggled closer into Danny's embrace and felt peaceful…happily anticipating what would come next.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Martin woke up to the sound of crashing waves and birds chirping. Infinitely more peaceful than his normal early-morning jolt out of sleep to the sound of a ringing alarm. He wasn't sure what time it was, knew it was probably at least early afternoon since they hadn't gone to sleep until right around dawn.

Despite knowing full well that Danny was sleeping next to him, it was still a surprise of sorts to turn his head and find him lying there, dark hair a stark contrast to the white pillow, face peaceful and open. As Martin moved slightly closer, Danny's arm tightened around his waist. Martin held his breath, sighing happily when the other man stayed asleep, needing a few minutes to himself.

He watched Danny carefully, still amazed at where he was, of what they'd done last night. It was still difficult to believe, still surreal and so amazing to Martin. Not only that he was here – in Danny's bed, in Danny's arms – but that Danny _wanted_ him. He sighed happily, content to go on watching him even as their first meeting flashed through his mind.

_Simple surveillance, just getting a feel for the location, the two men he was observing…easy enough to start out with. He hadn't counted on being distracted. But another man was arguing with the two of them…heated, angry words, emphatic gestures and the probability that it would erupt into physical violence. But it hadn't; the other man had simply walked away. That he'd ended up leaning against the bar to order a drink right next to Martin had only been a coincidence. Although in the months to follow, Martin had often wondered if there hadn't been more at work than mere chance._

"_You can never win a fight with family." Angry, bitter tone of voice accompanied by the slam of a shot glass against worn wood._

_Martin had turned, doing his best to appear mildly curious but fully prepared to mind his own business if necessary. He hadn't been at all ready for the way his breath caught, or the blinding feeling of attraction he was hit with. Curious smirk when he didn't say anything and Martin felt his knees wobble and his cheeks get hot._

"_Family?" he'd managed to choke out._

_The other man had rolled his eyes then drank his second shot and nodded. Shrugged in the direction of where he'd stood earlier arguing with the men Martin had been there to observe. "My brother and uncle. Foolish and stubborn. Danny Alvarez." Quick change in expression from frustration to welcoming. A look in his eyes that had made Martin think he had missed the punch line. Then he'd been shaking hands, introducing himself, lying over his last name, hand tingling as he'd pulled it away. The room had grown hot, stuffy – something Martin wasn't ready to admit had more to do with the man next to him than the actual temperature. The man who happened to be the brother and nephew of the two men he'd been assigned to watch. Luck wasn't an easy thing to come by in his line of work. But was it really luck when his stomach fluttered and he blushed every time he looked at the other man? At Danny._

"_You're American, aren't you?" Curious, friendly. And it must have been Martin's imagination when he thought Danny had moved closer to him. Golden, smooth-looking skin…dark eyes that seemed to draw Martin out of himself._

_Martin had shaken his head and then blushed. "Yes."_

_Laughter – warm and rich. He blushed again and then felt ridiculous. "So what brings you to Havana?"_

Martin shut his eyes for a moment and made a promise. He wouldn't let himself think about the lies he had told Danny, or worse – the fact that he was going to disappear one day; leave without explanation or a vague one at best. Return to America as if nothing had changed in his life. He knew he was simply putting off the inevitable, but just for the moment, for however many days they ended up spending in this house, he wouldn't think about any of it. He wanted to concentrate fully on Danny, on every moment they spent together. That way, when he was alone again, then at least he'd have a multitude of memories to ease the pain.

"Good morning."

Startled, Martin looked up at Danny, who was watching him with a warm expression, eyes still sleepy and soft. A stab of guilt for the lies he'd told – and would continue to tell – struck Martin, but he quickly remembered his promise and pushed it away. Instead, he focused on the warmth of Danny's brown eyes, the feel of his embrace as he pulled Martin closer.

"It's probably afternoon," Martin answered, shivering as Danny kissed his jaw.

"Whatever," he mumbled, nuzzling Martin's throat, arms pulling him closer still, hands slipping beneath his t-shirt and finding the warm skin of his lower back. "I like waking up with you," Danny murmured, lips against Martin's chin now.

Already melting, Martin sighed softly as Danny kissed him, body becoming pliant in the other man's arms. The kisses were warm, lazy and slow, and Martin didn't resist as Danny moved slightly, partly on top of him, tangling their legs together and pulling him closer.

As Danny's kisses became deeper, as his hands continued to touch and press Martin closer, Martin found himself torn, nervous. Part of him wanted to let go, to just let Danny continue, to ignore the frightened, anxious voice in his head. But he couldn't deny the slight panic he was beginning to feel. So many feelings rushing through him so quickly…it left him scared and uncertain. He hated his inexperience at that moment and his mind wouldn't quit, wouldn't let him relax. But it was all so much, so fast and he was plagued by the _certainty_ that he was doing everything wrong, that no matter how much he might want to go on kissing and touching Danny, he wouldn't do any of it well or right. Yet he didn't push Danny away because he didn't want to seem like a tease either.

Moments later, Danny pulled back slightly and smiled warmly at him, something Martin wasn't quite able to return. "All you have to do is tell me," he murmured, shifting onto his side and pulling Martin with him, keeping him in his arms. Gently, he touched Martin's cheek and met his eyes. "I meant what I said Martin," Danny continued. "Stop me if it's too much…too fast. I'm not going to be angry."

Martin blushed and looked away, brought back quickly by Danny's gentle grip on his chin. "How did you know?" he whispered.

Danny pressed their lips together for just a moment and smiled softly at him. "You were shaking," he answered. "And I could tell you weren't comfortable."

"You could?"

Danny nodded, still smiling gently. "Last night…well last night you were nervous, but you weren't hesitant. I could tell you wanted what we were doing then. It was different now."

Martin looked down for a moment, still uncertain of a boundary he might have crossed. "I'm sorry Danny. I do want this, I just…" he trailed off helplessly, looking up at the other man again, his eyes full of apology.

"You don't have to apologize Martin," Danny soothed, pulling him closer and gently running his knuckles over Martin's cheek. "I know this is new to you, and I don't mind going slowly…I promise you."

Martin nodded slowly, felt his cheeks flush as Danny smiled at him. Grateful, he kissed Danny softly, murmuring his thanks against his lips. He felt relieved, surprised…happy. Strangely enough, Danny's promise that they would go at Martin's pace gave him more confidence. Knowing that Danny would stop if it became too overwhelming afforded him the courage to want to go further.

"Why don't you stay here," Danny murmured, pressing his lips to Martin's jaw, his neck and then his ear. "There's a small town about a mile or so away. I'm going to take a shower and then drive there to get us some food."

Martin nodded, his fingers pressing lightly against the back of Danny's neck, pulling him down for another kiss to which Danny smiled against his lips and murmured something soft in Spanish. When they broke apart, Martin smiled shyly at him, blushing as Danny tugged his shirt over his head and padded out of the room towards the bathroom.

Sighing, he smiled to himself and stretched out on the bed, glancing to his right as the breeze from the window blew over his face. Despite his lingering insecurities and nerves, despite the secrets and lies hanging over his head, he felt happier than he could ever remember being. It was still so unreal to him, his being here with Danny…tucked away in this house in the middle of nowhere, just the two of them together…_lovers_.

He shivered, his smile only growing as he thought the word. Martin had never had this before…something secret, something he wasn't _supposed_ to have, but more importantly, he had never had this sort of connection with anyone before. All his life he'd been shamed into loneliness, too afraid to express what he wanted to feel, not able to feel what he was supposed to feel. His family, his father, his job…none left room for any sort of deviance from normality, and Martin had known for a very long time that he didn't quite fit in, despite trying to so adamantly. And in doing so he'd been so very lonely. He had few friends, none of which he'd call close. Despite wanting their approval, he had never been close with his family. And while he'd had a girlfriend here and there – mostly because everyone started _wondering_ if he didn't – none of them had ever resulted in a meaningful relationship.

Everything was different with Danny. Martin had put up all of the same walls, had tried his hardest to remain emotionally distanced and coolly polite…but Danny had seen through all of it. In the short three months that they'd known one another, Danny had so very quickly insinuated his way into Martin's life. He'd become his friend; he'd gotten Martin to open up and now…well, when they'd first met, Martin had never let himself think – or even wish – that he'd get _this_.

Danny came out of the shower a few minutes later; he was shirtless, wearing loose fitting pants that sat low on his hips. Martin felt his stomach flutter with arousal as he watched Danny run a towel over his hair in a hasty attempt to dry it. Couldn't help the way he watched some of that water escape his hair and run slowly down his neck and over his chest. Martin found himself nearly overpowered with the desire to lick each of those drops of water.

"Will you be gone long?" he asked, blushing when he heard his voice come out so hoarsely. Yet, he found himself unable to look away, even when Danny turned and smirked rather knowingly at him. He'd never known anyone as beautiful as Danny…so carefree and confident. It scared him as much as he wished he could be the same way.

Danny shook his head and slipped into a shirt and some sandals. He walked quickly over to the bed and leaned down, hand pressing into Martin's neck as he brought their lips together. "An hour at most," he answered, lips hot against Martin's mouth. He kissed him once more before pulling away, smiled and then turned and left.

Again, Martin stretched out leisurely on the bed, a smile on his lips as he sighed and shut his eyes for a few moments. He shivered happily and stretched his arms and legs again, lying still for a few more minutes before getting up and making the bed. He took a quick shower and changed into one of the more comfortable outfits he'd brought with him. Curiously, he glanced through the small bag of clothes, blushing as he realized how useless some of the items would be. At the time, he hadn't known exactly what to bring, where they were going or exactly why…so he'd just thrown what he could into a bag and left.

While Danny was away, Martin took some time to explore the small house, smiling over pictures he found in frames, fingers sliding slowly over books and knick knacks, admiring each room for its simple and well-loved taste. He could tell just from looking how much this place meant to Danny. And it meant even more to Martin that Danny would bring him here…especially since he'd told him that he had never brought anyone else.

As he made his way out to the back porch, he took in the view of the ocean. The house wasn't quite on the beach, but it was probably only a couple hundred yards away once you got past the sand dunes. He took a deep breath and leaned back against the worn wood of the house, crossing his arms over his chest and looking out at the sea. It was easy to get lost here, to pretend that nothing else mattered except the here and now. It was easy to imagine staying here forever with no interruptions and no one else to bother them. No secrets, no lies…

"_No, they're more interested in keeping things the way they are now. A revolution would defeat their lifestyle, and it's quite cushy. I don't think they'd want to give that up." He listened to the voice on the other end of the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned forward, trying to ward off the impending headache. _

"_A few," he answered. "I don't know…ten to fifteen people. It's not a very well-organized operation." He paused, stretching his legs out in front of him and running his hand through his hair. Glancing at the clock he prayed for the phone call to end quickly…he was meeting Danny in half an hour and didn't want to be late. Shaking his head, he squeezed his eyes shut for a second and focused on the phone call…daydreaming would only get him into trouble and then the call would last for twice as long. "What? No, he's not involved." He paused and frowned, his stomach turning over nervously. "I know he isn't," he said huffily. "He's angry with them and thinks they're being foolish, that if they don't at least try to change along with everyone else that they'll be trapped and useless. He's not like that." Martin blushed, noting with some trepidation the pause on the other end of the line; he hoped his voice hadn't sounded too fervent. Or defensive._

_Apparently, they had decided to let it slide, but he knew he should have been more careful. Vowed that he _would_ be more careful in the future. He was grateful, fifteen minutes later when they hung up. And nothing had changed, not his assignment nor the lies he would be forced to tell this evening. There were moments when he wished that there were some sort of easy way to escape everything. Something dramatic and overdone that would erase his reality and give him a new one. But such ploys weren't who Martin was, and he knew he'd follow things through the way he was supposed to._

_He was only about ten minutes late to meet with Danny, but Danny didn't mind. Waved away Martin's apologies and told him to relax. He smiled, looking at Martin in a way that made him do everything but relax…but he was happy. A rare feat, and something he was beginning to find himself addicted to. Something he craved…especially after having lived so long without it._

He was still outside on the porch when Danny returned, jumped when he felt the other man call his name softly and place his hand on his back. Smiling, he turned around and looked into Danny's warm eyes, "It's beautiful here Danny."

"Mmm hmm," Danny murmured, sliding his hands around Martin's waist and pulling them together. "I'm going to make you dinner," he said softly, eyes sparkling. Martin felt himself blush, bravely wrapping his arms around Danny's back to return the embrace. Danny's smile grew and he pressed their mouths together, kissed Martin, moaning softly when Martin licked at his lips. The moan sent a shiver through Martin, made him want more and gave him courage. Pushing away any lingering insecurities, he slid his fingers into Danny's soft, dark hair, hand shaking slightly as he tugged on and played with the strands. Danny's hands tightened on his lower back, pulling his body closer as Martin shyly deepened their kiss, tasting Danny's lips, his tongue, quickly finding himself even _more_ addicted to the taste of his mouth. And Martin felt his heart aching wonderfully, could _feel_ Danny's patience, knew that the other man could so easily take over the kiss but wasn't because he was giving Martin time, was being patient...letting Martin set their pace.

When they finally broke apart, Martin was breathless, felt weak in Danny's arms as he looked up at him with hopeful eyes. And Danny's answering smile was full of reassurance and delight, chuckling softly as he pressed another quick kiss to Martin's swollen lips. "Incredible," he murmured, pulling Martin possessively close, as he pressed a quick line of kisses across his neck and ear. Danny held him for a while longer and Martin felt himself getting lost, shut his eyes and listened to the distant crash of the ocean, could feel nothing but Danny's arms around him, the warmth pouring off of Danny in waves; he hated the idea of ever leaving.

Eventually, they pulled apart - though Martin was still reluctant to do so - and Danny led him back inside so he could begin unpacking groceries, leaving out what he would need for dinner. While he cooked, Martin watched him - something he found nearly impossible to stop doing - and they talked, each of them sipping a glass of white wine, Martin blushing every time Danny stopped watching the food to turn around, lean over the counter and kiss him.

It was all so surreal, something that other people had that Martin never had, and had honestly believed he never would have. He found himself being as honest with Danny as he could, revealing his troubled life without the exact details. The family that he didn't quite fit into no matter what he did, the job – which he kept very elusive – that part of him loved, but that he oftentimes found himself torn over…the life he just hadn't been able to find any real purpose in.

"You've been lonely," Danny said softly, pausing over the vegetables he was chopping to look steadily into Martin's eyes.

Martin blinked, unable to look away, struck by the sympathy – not_ pity_ – that he saw in Danny's expression. And while Martin had not said that outright to the other man, Danny had picked up on it anyway by what he had inferred. Martin nodded, forcing a sad sort of smile, shrugging as if it weren't a big deal. But Danny frowned; setting down the knife he was still holding and wiping his hands hastily on a towel as he stepped around the countertop to where Martin was perched on a stool. He cupped Martin's face in his hands, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks as he looked at him. Leaning closer, he kissed Martin softly, warmly. Martin felt himself tremble, could feel Danny's compassion and his desire to comfort. It was almost overwhelming because no one had ever…_cared_ that way before.

Danny made it simple though, pulling away with a gentle nibble to his bottom lip and a warm smile. No matter how hard Martin looked, he couldn't find pity in Danny's eyes, even in the way he kissed him…so it was easy to smile back, to just accept Danny's comfort for what it was and appreciate rather than resent it.

He couldn't remember having a better evening. Martin knew how easy it would be to become attached to this…this life and this relationship. How easy it would be to lose himself here and forget reality…something he desperately wished were possible. But if there was one thing he was good at it was hiding. He couldn't have this life, couldn't have Danny, not really…not once he was forced to disappear. And the more time he spent with the other man, the more he realized how hard it was going to be to give him up, and then to remember…but it was unavoidable. And he'd have to make his memories last.

They had Cuban-style paella – something Martin enjoyed eating almost as much as Danny enjoyed preparing. They talked before, during and after dinner; Martin had never found it quite so simple to carry on a conversation for so long. They drank wine and laughed. It was all so uncomplicated, carefree…and romantic. None of the small touches Danny put in place escaped Martin's notice; each one served to make his heart flutter further, to make him wonder over Danny's obvious attempts to woo him. The atmosphere alone added to the evening's romanticism. A few candles here and there, the wine, the gentle breeze blowing in from the ocean and through the windows and the record Danny had put on in the background full of soft, sultry Latin music. But nothing captured Martin's attention and interest more than Danny himself. Low slung linen pants tied at the waist, bare feet, a loose fitting shirt…his skin nearly glowed in the soft light, his eyes sparkled with happiness, practically twinkling when he laughed. And Martin couldn't stop _looking_.

After dinner they moved to the couch, settled there comfortably next to one another. Martin smiled, blushing slightly as Danny slipped his arm around his shoulders automatically, pulling Martin closer.

"I'm so glad I brought you here Martin," Danny murmured, his fingers gently caressing the back of Martin's neck.

Martin leaned closer, turning further inward towards Danny, lightly resting his hand against Danny's chest, shivering at all the warmth he felt there. "I almost didn't come," he admitted shyly, ducking his head as he moved nearer, not wanting to meet Danny's eyes. "I was…afraid."

He shut his eyes briefly, letting out a shaky breath as he felt Danny's lips against his temple, felt his other arm slip around his waist, their feet and legs tangling naturally. "I know," Danny answered simply, his voice full of a warmth Martin was beginning to expect.

When Martin finally found the courage to look up and meet his eyes, Danny smiled lightly before letting his expression turn slightly more serious. Martin felt warm, dizzy almost, and he knew their night was far from over. He wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but as Danny leaned down to kiss him, fear was not one of the emotions he found himself feeling. He wanted this – whatever it was – and he wanted more, and he trusted Danny to not go too fast.

Their kisses grew deeper slowly, hands wandering as they shared breath and tasted one another's mouths. Martin pressed closer to Danny eagerly, shivered when Danny's hands found his skin. Danny tugged at Martin's shirt, slowly sliding his hands up his back, hot against Martin's skin, making him want more. And he found himself eager to touch Danny as well, wanted to know what he felt like. Danny's skin was smooth and warm; Martin could feel so much energy and desire radiating from beneath his flesh. It made him anxious. He felt needy and desperate almost, and he shut his eyes and moaned as Danny's lips began moving against his neck.

Many long minutes later, they were tangled up together on the couch, shirts half off, hands greedy, mouths swollen. Danny pulled back briefly, hand running through Martin's hair, coming to rest on the side of his face as he looked into his eyes. "I want you," he whispered, his kiss full of a certain desperation as he pressed their lips together again. "So much…God Martin, there's so much I want to show you…" he said hoarsely, his eyes dark and intense.

Martin trembled, whimpering softly at what he saw in Danny's eyes. So much desire and want…for _him_. And he was nervous, yes but he was not afraid, couldn't be afraid because he found himself trusting Danny implicitly, trusting him more and more with every passing moment. "Yes," he breathed, hand pressing lightly against the back of Danny's neck as he kissed him again. "I want you too," he murmured, lips brushing against Danny's mouth.

Danny pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes again, looking for what Martin wasn't quite sure…a lie, or a desire that he really didn't mean maybe. But then he smiled, kissing Martin lightly and untangling their arms and legs. He pulled Martin to his feet and pressed another quick kiss to his lips, grinning at the cautious surprise in Martin's eyes. He slid his hands onto Martin's hips and pulled them together tightly, smirking as Martin bit down on his lower lip and squeezed his eyes shut, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a small moan. Without another word, he linked their fingers together and led Martin to his bedroom, pausing to turn out the lights in the kitchen and living room along the way.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The room was dim, lit only by a few candles and the moonlight spilling in through the window. The breeze from the ocean persisted, gently rustling the curtains as it blew into the room. Martin felt his nerves return yet he didn't want to stop anything. Moments later it was easy again, because Danny pulled him back into his arms, kissing him softly, his hands straying no further than his shoulders. They continued to kiss, Danny's hands moving only slightly, to the front of Martin's shirt, pausing to look into his eyes.

"Can I take this off?" Danny asked softly, his eyes locked on Martin's.

Martin felt himself blush, had to fight the urge to look away from Danny's eyes. He swallowed hard as he nodded, trying his best to ignore the anxious fluttering in his stomach. Danny's fingers moved quickly, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off of his shoulders. He pulled his own shirt over his head next and tossed them both to the floor, stepping closer to Martin again, his fingers sliding up his arms to cup Martin's face in his hands. Danny smiled warmly and kissed him, slowly letting his hands move to Martin's shoulders and around to his back. Martin shook as Danny's hands trailed down his spine, pulling him closer at the same time. He moaned softly at the feel of Danny's skin against his own.

Tentatively, he returned the other man's embrace, hands trembling slightly as he wrapped his arms around Danny's back. He could feel Danny smile against his lips and it made Martin's heart beat more quickly, made him want to give Danny more. And after a while, when Danny's fingers trailed lightly over Martin's stomach, tugging lightly at the top of his pants, Martin could do nothing other than nod. "Yes," he whispered, flushing with embarrassment and desire.

Danny kissed him again, soothing, letting his lips trail across Martin's jaw to his ear as his nimble fingers unbuttoned and unzipped Martin's pants, slowly sliding them off of his hips. "Shh…" Danny soothed as Martin tensed. He held more tightly to Danny then, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face against the other man's throat. It was maddening in a way, because his body wanted more than he was sure his heart and mind could handle. "Come to bed with me," Danny breathed softly, his breath warm against Martin's ear. Martin pulled back slightly and met Danny's eyes, struck by the want he saw there, but also comfortable with the knowledge that Danny wouldn't hurt him or force him to do something he wasn't ready for.

He stepped away from Martin for a few quick moments to remove his own pants, and Martin swallowed hard as he watched him. Nervous and uncertain after only a few seconds apart, Danny quickly calmed his fears again as soon as he pulled him back into his arms. Gently, he pulled Martin down onto the bed, holding him close as they kissed, side by side, pressed together, legs tangling and hands wandering. Martin's head was spinning with every touch, every kiss, deeper than the one before. He moaned as Danny brought their hips together, could feel how hard Danny was through two flimsy pairs of boxers. And after a while, he couldn't help moving closer, pushing his hips against Danny's, wanting more, his whole body radiating with desire.

They made out for a while, kissing, touching, moving against each other. Martin knew Danny was holding back, waiting, wanted some sort of sign from him to take things further. And Martin wanted that…desperately. He wasn't entirely sure what more would mean, but he knew he wanted it. Whatever it was, he wanted it, because as it was now, he couldn't quite seem to get close enough to Danny. Never mind that their legs were tangled, their bodies pressed tightly together, their mouths fused…he wanted more. He just wasn't sure exactly what to do to get it.

Their kiss broke for a moment, both of them gasping for breath, Danny's eyes dark and intense as they looked at Martin. And Martin knew this was an important moment, knew he had to do something to let Danny know that he was okay with what they were doing and that he wanted to take it to the next level. With a trembling hand, he touched Danny's cheek, trailing his fingers lower across his neck and shoulder.

"Danny…" he whispered, swallowing nervously. "Danny I want…" he broke off, his hands on Danny's back now, pulling him closer, trying to stifle a moan. It felt so good to have Danny pressed up against him so tightly. He shifted a little, pulling Danny with him so that he was on top of Martin, and that helped. He felt covered and surrounded by Danny this way, and despite still feeling nervous, this way he felt more secure.

"What do you want Martin?" Danny asked breathlessly. He moved his hips against Martin's, moaned as his eyes fluttered shut, and just by watching him Martin felt a wave of pleasure ripple through him. He pulled Danny down for another kiss, feasting on his mouth, tasting his tongue, his mouth…_him_.

"I don't…don't know…please Danny…" Martin whispered, helpless.

"Just tell me," Danny breathed, his mouth hot on Martin's neck, kissing and sucking at his skin. Martin jumped, whimpering as Danny nipped at the skin over his collarbone, soothing with a gentle lick.

He kept kissing Martin's skin, sucking and nibbling, moving from his neck and then lower over his chest and back up again. Martin couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except concentrate on what Danny was doing, on how good it felt. "I want you to touch me," Martin begged, arching his hips up against Danny, moaning again as he felt how hard Danny was, knew Danny could feel the same thing with him.

Danny met his eyes for a moment, their gazes locked. He touched Martin's face with his fingertips, kissing him lightly, eyes still open. So much said with his eyes that Martin was surprised to be able to read. Danny smiled softly after that, kissing the corner of Martin's mouth and then his chin and neck. Martin slipped his fingers into Danny's hair and shut his eyes as Danny's hands slid down his sides and beneath him to the small of his back, pulling them more fully together.

Martin trembled, moaning as Danny's fingers dipped beneath his boxers, touching his hips and then gently tugging on the soft fabric. He lifted his head and met Martin's eyes again, a question there. And Martin nodded, swallowing hard and breathing deeply. He bit down on his lower lip nervously and raised his hips, allowing Danny to remove his boxers.

"Danny…" he pleaded, unsure of what he wanted or what to do, what he _should _do, what _Danny_ wanted him to do.

He watched, helpless and desperate as Danny quickly removed his own boxers and tossed both pairs aside. And then it was all heat and passion, Danny's golden skin burning against his own as they kissed, pressed tightly together from head to toe and Martin was _overwhelmed_; he hadn't known anything could feel this good.

"God Martin, you feel so good…" he moaned as their kiss broke. He framed Martin's face in his hands and looked down at him, promise and seduction bright in his brown eyes. He kissed Martin's neck, his shoulder, lower across his chest, running his hands down Martin's arms and threading their fingers together as he moved lower, his tongue hot against Martin's skin.

His hands were on Martin's hips, his mouth sucking and licking at his navel, lower still and Martin trembled, squeezed his eyes shut, whimpering as he felt Danny's fingers encircle his cock. Opening his eyes again, he looked down, felt his breath catch in his throat as he met Danny's eyes for just a moment before Danny closed his mouth over the tip of him. His head fell back onto the pillow again and he moaned Danny's name, hands squeezing into fists as Danny took more.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't even find the ability to feel nervous or embarrassed because it all felt too _good_. Danny's fingers held his hips tightly as he sucked him, taking Martin deep, his mouth hot and wet. He moaned, arching his back and pushing upwards, wanting more. Unable to help himself, he slipped his fingers into Danny's hair, tugging gently, whimpering as he felt Danny's tongue against the tip of him, felt him press down on his hips and take him deeper again. Their eyes met and Martin felt his entire body tighten and weaken, unable to feel anything other than Danny's mouth on him.

"Danny…I can't…oh God Danny…" he pleaded. He froze for just a second, crying out then as he came, pleasure washing over him, passionate and hot. He shut his eyes, panting for breath, one hand gripping tightly to the sheets, the other curled in Danny's hair. Finally, he fell back against the pillow, breathing heavily, shaking, dazed. He shivered as he felt himself slip from Danny's mouth, squeezing his eyes shut as Danny began kissing his way back up Martin's body.

"Martin," Danny whispered, pressing a quick set of kisses to his lips. "Open your eyes," he murmured, one hand gently cupping Martin's cheek.

"Danny," Martin breathed, opening his eyes and blushing as he met Danny's gentle gaze. "Danny that was…amazing," he whispered, unsure of what it was he was supposed to be feeling or doing now.

Danny smiled and kissed him warmly, pressing closer to him again. Martin held him tightly, needing him nearer. He shivered as Danny deepened their kiss, tasted himself on Danny's tongue, a simple moment that sent another unexpected wave of pleasure through him. So intimate – not embarrassing, as he would've thought – that they were this close. And now, as they kissed, as Martin struggled to get closer, his skin hot and sweaty, he could feel how hard Danny still was, could feel the tense wanting that was radiating from him. Their kiss broke and Martin looked up at him, touched his face lightly and whispered his name.

"Watching you come," Danny whispered, moving against him slowly, his eyes flashing with pleasure and desire. "That was so hot Martin…" he paused, hand gentle on Martin's cheek again as he looked deeply into his eyes. "You're all right?" he murmured.

Martin felt his heart ache and he nodded, pulling Danny closer to kiss him and murmur that he was more than all right. As he did, he pushed upwards, his thigh pushing against Danny's erection, smiling slightly as he watched Danny's eyes flutter shut.

"Martin…" he whispered. "Please…"

"Danny…I want to…want to make you feel the way I felt," Martin said softly. He trembled slightly as Danny looked into his eyes, felt his nerves return slightly only because, once again, he found himself unsure of what to do. "I want to…touch you…" he went on, voice slightly desperate. "But I don't…I don't know how, don't know what to do…I…"

"Shh…Martin," Danny soothed, pressing a warm, lingering kiss to his mouth. "Look at me," he murmured, drawing Martin more fully into his arms, shifting them so that they were side by side. Martin did as he was asked, looking at Danny carefully, trying to find answers in his dark eyes. Danny leaned in and kissed him again, softly and deeply, leaving Martin breathless when they finally broke apart. "I want you to touch me," Danny whispered, his breath hot against Martin's lips, his eyes full of desire.

"Danny, I--"

Danny kissed him again, interrupting his nervous protestations. "I promise you can't do this wrong," he said softly. Martin opened his mouth to say something, but Danny touched his fingers gently against his lips. "I want you so much," he murmured, pressing closer. He took Martin's hand in his own and pressed it against his chest, let Martin feel his racing heart beat, his heated skin.

Martin swallowed hard, trembling as Danny dragged Martin's hand lower. He saw want and need in Danny's eyes, but despite what the other man had said, he felt strangely terrified. He wanted so desperately to do this for Danny, but he was almost certain he wouldn't be able to do it right. That despite Danny's words that he _couldn't_ do anything wrong, Martin just knew he wouldn't be able to do for Danny what Danny had done so skillfully for him. To him.

When Danny stopped, his other hand coming up to gently cup Martin's face, Martin began chewing on his lower lip and forced himself to meet Danny's eyes. It took him by surprise to see worry there. "What's wrong?" Danny asked softly. There was no trace of anger or frustration in his velvety voice, and Martin felt ridiculous. _He_ was angry and frustrated with himself, hated the fact that he couldn't seem to get past his insecurities, couldn't quite bring himself to touch Danny even though he desperately wanted to.

Danny's eyes deepened with concern when he didn't answer, and Martin felt himself nearing tears. He turned away, cursing his own inexperience and nerves. He moved away from Danny until he sat at the edge of the bed, hands at his side, gripping tightly to the sheets, his head bowed as he took deep breaths, waiting for the anger he knew was coming.

A few moments passed in silence, and Martin hated himself for ruining what he had come to treasure so very quickly. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself not to cry…something he definitely did not need on top of everything else. Yet he was incredibly prepared for it, braced himself for the tears he knew would come, because the second Danny started to voice his annoyance and anger, Martin knew he would crumble.

Tense, he jumped when he felt Danny's hands on his shoulders, eyes flying open at the sound of the other man's voice…still soft, still warm. And he was…_apologizing_. "I'm sorry Martin," he murmured, arms gentle as they came around his waist, quietly pulling Martin back against his chest into a light embrace. Tenderly, he kissed Martin's shoulder and his neck, murmuring words Martin wasn't sure he could hear over his shock. "I promised you I wouldn't go too fast, and I'm sorry for doing exactly that," Danny said softly. "I didn't mean to push you, and I--"

"You weren't," Martin said quickly, cutting him off. He turned slightly, reluctant to face Danny completely. His cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and he had to force himself to meet the other man's curious eyes. "I just…Danny, I'm sorry," he said a little frantically. "I want…I want to touch you. I want to make you feel how you made me feel…so much," he pleaded. "But I…I've never…and I…don't know how to…"

"Shh, shh…Martin," Danny said softly, his fingers petting Martin's hair, rubbing soothing circles over his shoulders. He smiled gently and pressed a small kiss to the corner of Martin's mouth. "I meant what I said…that you can't really do this wrong," he promised. He kissed Martin's neck again and then his ear, both arms coming around his stomach again, pulling him closer. "Have you ever touched yourself?" he said, voice husky and low.

Martin flushed with embarrassment and squeezed his eyes shut, not answering Danny's question but sucking in a sharp breath, feeling warm all over. He jumped when Danny lightly bit his earlobe, and tightened his arms around him.

"Tell me," Danny breathed.

"Y-yes," he stuttered his reply, feeling both awkward and strangely entranced by Danny's question. He didn't expect Danny's shudder, his quick exhalation of breath and the murmuring of Spanish that he suspected were a few curse words. "Danny?"

Martin sighed, shivering as Danny kissed his neck again, sucking and laving the skin with his tongue. "I'm sorry Martin," Danny whispered against his skin. "I just…I wanted you to say yes. I just wasn't quite prepared for the mental image that gave me," he admitted, lips forming a grin Martin could _feel_.

"Danny?" Martin asked again, uncertain on how to respond to that declaration.

Gently, Danny placed his hand on Martin's cheek and turned his head to face him. He kissed him warmly, tongue darting out to lick at his lips and into his mouth. "You have no idea how hot that is," Danny murmured against his mouth. "I would…God, I would love to watch you touch yourself," he said hoarsely, eyes flashing with lust.

Martin blushed, lowering his eyes and squirming uncomfortably in Danny's arms. The times he'd let go enough to pleasure himself had always been when he'd been safely hidden in the dark in his bed, muffling whatever sounds he might make into his fist or a pillow. It wasn't exactly something he was ashamed of, but it was secret and hidden and he tried hard not to think about it. The fact that Danny wanted to see him do it, to watch him…he wasn't quite sure how to handle that.

"I…Danny, I can't…" he said awkwardly.

"Shh, it's okay," Danny said quickly. "I know," he said simply, tilting Martin's chin up to smile into his eyes. "But you know how," he went on. "And touching me won't be different. It's almost guaranteed that whatever you like, I'll like as well."

Martin looked at him closely, his stomach fluttering nervously as he thought about it. He leaned closer and kissed Danny again, turning into his embrace and concentrating on the feel of Danny's skin pressed against him, on the way his mouth tasted. He still felt the tense desire radiating from Danny's body and he wanted so desperately to calm it, to make Danny feel what Martin had felt so powerfully. He looked up into Danny's eyes as their kiss broke, nervously trying to convey what he wanted to do without speaking.

Danny nodded, his smile reassuring. Yet Martin was surprised when Danny let go, his fingers coming down to grip Martin's wrist and pull him to the middle of the bed. Danny knelt in front of him and leaned back against his chest, pulling Martin's arms around him and turning his head to the side to press another kiss to his neck.

"Show me Martin," Danny murmured, his voice low and full of lust. It made Martin shiver and he tightened his grip on Danny's body, pulling him closer. "Show me how you touch yourself…touch _me_," he breathed, trembling slightly in Martin's arms.

And feeling him shake that way was enough to give Martin courage. The feel of Danny so hot and desperate in his arms was addicting, and Martin wanted so very badly to make him feel good. Swallowing his nerves, he kissed Danny's neck, inhaling the scent of him, his hands slowly moving over Danny's chest and lower to his stomach. And just doing this felt so good that he _wanted_ to go further. He whispered Danny's name and kept one hand low on his stomach, fingers splaying out against the warm flesh. He couldn't deny his nervousness, but as he pulled Danny closer, he felt the other man's arms wind back around to partially grip onto him, and he wanted more. He closed his fingers around Danny's cock, sucking in a sharp breath at how hot his skin was, how soft and hard he was at the same time.

"Yes Martin…God…please…" Danny begged, pushing back against him, one hand gripping tightly to Martin's upper arm. He turned his head, lips and tongue clashing hotly with the skin of Martin's neck.

Martin shuddered, whimpering because Danny was so responsive to him…and he hadn't quite expected that. He tightened his grip slightly, stroking Danny slowly, loving the way the other man trembled in his arms, moaned his name and kissed his neck. He touched Danny the way he would himself, slowly at first, thumb and fingers lingering at the tip, getting wet, slick, making it easier to stroke him faster, harder.

"Is this…oh God…is this how you touch yourself?" Danny asked breathlessly. He continued trying to get closer, pushing back against Martin and thrusting upwards into his fist at the same time.

And Martin, though slightly embarrassed, kissed Danny's neck and answered him that it was. "Am I…Danny is this…" and he couldn't quite bring himself to ask, fear of disappointing him still strong despite Danny's obvious reaction.

"Mmm…can't you tell?" Danny asked raggedly. He whimpered as Martin once again swiped his thumb over the tip of Danny's cock, stroking him slowly and then fast again. "So good Martin, you're making me feel so good. I…just…little more…please…" he begged. Martin kissed Danny's neck again, sucking on the skin as he touched him more firmly, harder, faster. And then Danny's body tensed in his arms, pushing back against him. He moaned low in his throat as he came, body shuddering, fingers gripping tightly to whatever skin on Martin's body that he could reach.

Martin trembled, fascinated as he watched Danny, almost unable to believe that he had brought him – to what appeared to be – such a powerful orgasm. Danny mewled softly, hand reaching up to slip into Martin's hair as he pulled him down for a leisurely kiss, body still trembling with pleasure.

They were boneless as they slid beneath the sheets again, Danny reaching for some tissues to clean them both off before pulling Martin tightly into his arms. "Thank you," he murmured, lips capturing Martin's mouth in a deep, lazy kiss. And they stayed that way for a while, trading open-mouthed kisses as they held each other close. Martin felt warm all over, happy and curiously brave. "God Martin, that was _incredible_," he assured him, lazily tracing unknown patterns up and down his back with his fingertips. Martin blushed, smiling as Danny pulled him closer and settled them together comfortably. Their eyes met once more and Martin smiled, leaning closer to kiss Danny again before sighing and snuggling close, his eyes falling shut as he laid his head on Danny's shoulder. He was sure that no matter what happened in the days or weeks to come that he would always be able to look back and cherish _this_ moment, _this_ night for a very long time.

Tbc..


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

As the days went by, Martin was finding it increasingly harder to keep his thoughts at bay. They'd strike him at random moments, making his heart ache, making it hard to breathe as he thought about the lies he had been forced to tell. So many times he'd thought about telling Danny the truth. Telling him whom he was, why he was really in Cuba, why he'd attempted to befriend him in the first place. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Not so much because he'd be giving up his cover or putting his _mission_ in jeopardy, but instead because he couldn't stand to hurt Danny that way; to tell him that, in essence, Martin had been lying to him since they'd met. Never mind the fact that he was completely sure that he wouldn't be able to deal with the fall out that would result. Especially now.

With every moment that had passed, Martin started to become more and more convinced that he was falling in love with Danny. It terrified him, because he had no idea how to deal with love. He tried to tell himself that it was just the intensity of their situation. That they were isolated together far from reality and the mundane, and if they tried to continue this relationship away from Danny's hidden house in the Cuban countryside that it wouldn't work. But the more time that passed, the more moments he spent in Danny's arms, talking with him, kissing him…it was becoming painfully obvious that there was no other explanation. He was falling for Danny. Hard.

Frustrated and afraid, he let out a small cry and buried his head in his hands, drawing his knees up to his chest and trying to shut everything out except the gentle crash of the ocean. Danny had gone into town again for food, leaving Martin alone for the first time in about a week. At first he'd asked to go with Danny, but Danny had decided against it, telling Martin that it wasn't a good idea. Not so much because people might assume the true nature of their relationship, but more because Martin was American. And while the city of Havana relied heavily upon American tourism, the countryside did not look quite so kindly upon the other country's citizens.

But Martin had not wanted to be alone for this very reason. It gave him time to think, and he didn't want that. If Danny was with him he could go on pretending that everything was fine. That they would always stay this way…happily locked away from the rest of the world. _Together_.

Instead he was forced now, as he sat alone on the beach, to face his feelings for the other man. When the time came, it would no longer be so simple to walk away from him. It made Martin _ache_ to even think about it. Originally, he hadn't expected much. He'd expected Danny to take him back to Havana after only a couple of days because he would have grown tired of Martin's insecurities and neediness by now. He'd expected more memories than experiences. He certainly hadn't expected to start feeling this way…the suspicion that he was falling in love growing stronger with every passing moment. But Danny meant so much to him now, and Martin had no idea how he was going to let him go.

Once things were done, once he was needed back in America again, he'd had every intention of disappearing. Of leaving the country and not looking back…not saying goodbye or explaining why he had to leave. The thought of doing that now made Martin feel sick. No matter that he still believed that Danny would forget about him in a few days anyway, Martin didn't know how he was supposed to just leave without a word and go on with his life as if nothing had changed.

Because _everything_ had changed.

"There you are," Danny called out brightly. "I thought maybe I'd lost you," he joked.

Martin tensed, quickly wiping at his eyes to make sure no tears had escaped. He drew his panic back inside and turned slightly, squinting against the setting sun as he looked up and into Danny's eyes. He forced himself to smile, knew that it didn't quite reach his eyes, and he knew – from the flash of worry in Danny's eyes – that he saw it too.

But he seemed to understand in some way, and he sat down next to Martin on the sand, leaning close so that their shoulders and thighs were touching. His touch was slightly tentative as he wrapped an arm around Martin's waist, pulling him more fully against him. His body was warm and Martin gratefully accepted his embrace, leaning in and resting his head on Danny's shoulder. Neither said anything, but they didn't need to. They just sat that way for a while, listening to the ocean, watching the sunset…a scene so ridiculously unrealistic to Martin that he felt his throat tighten. He swallowed hard over a lump, felt his eyes sting with tears before he could force them back, and he turned more fully into Danny, whimpering softly as Danny pulled him closer, wrapping both arms around him now.

"What's wrong querido?" Danny murmured, his lips gently kissing Martin's temple, his hands soothing as they rubbed random circles across his back.

Martin felt his heart clench tightly and it took him a few moments to catch his breath and stop his tears before they became too out of control. Hearing Danny's absently spoken endearment in Spanish had, for some reason, only amplified Martin's growing anxiety.

"I don't know," he lied, voice shaky and hoarse. "It's nothing really. I just…we've been here for a week, and I know we can't stay here forever and I…well, I wish we could, that's all," he said, smiling sheepishly as he forced himself to meet Danny's eyes.

Danny smiled back and kissed him gently. "I know. So do I," he replied softly. Martin could tell that Danny knew there was more to it than that. He prayed that Danny didn't ask, didn't push, because Martin wasn't sure he'd be able to keep lying to him.

"Are you hungry?" Danny asked, after a few minutes.

Martin sighed softly, glad to have moved on to a new subject, one that was harmless and easy, and he could once again push everything else away. He nodded, smiling warmly and murmuring an affirmative answer against Danny's lips as they kissed again.

Martin sat quietly and watched as Danny made them dinner again; he alternated between smiling and wanting to cry. Never in his life had he felt so mixed up, confused and frightened and desperate. It was all too obvious as he sat and watched Danny cook how badly Martin wanted this to last. He'd promised himself that he'd be able to let go, that it was just a fling and when he went back to America, it would be something for him to look back on and say that he did. From there he'd go on…back to the routine, numb existence he'd known before.

And it would kill him.

"_How long will you be gone?"_

_Martin shrugged and took another sip of his coffee. He still found it odd how easy this was. Breakfast with his sister at her favorite diner in DC – a place that neither of their parents would be caught dead in. But Maggie had forged her own life, had broken past her parents' weighty expectations and had, for the most part, escaped. Strange though, how she could do both. She could go home for the holidays or a random summer party and fit in as if she were a cookie-cutter debutante. But then she was back to the city, back to her cello-playing husband and their free and easy lifestyle. And while their parents didn't exactly approve of her life or whom she'd chosen to marry, they didn't hassle her about it._

_Martin, on the other hand, had never been able to break away, to be his own person or choose his own path. He didn't fit in at home or away from it._

_He envied his sister, and up until very recently, it had showed by the fact that he hardly ever saw or spoke to her. They hadn't been very close growing up; Martin had always been quiet, Maggie very outgoing. And that trend probably would've continued for the rest of their lives if Maggie hadn't intervened. Showing up on Martin's doorstep one evening well past midnight, soaked from the rain, crying over a fight she'd had with her husband. A big brother instinct he hadn't known he'd possessed had taken over and he had pulled her inside, drying her wet hair with a towel and hugging her when she wouldn't stop crying._

_They'd stayed up all night talking, surprising themselves with how much there was to say to each other considering the very few times they spoke a year. From there, Maggie had made the effort to see her brother more often, and Martin, though he wasn't very good at such things, also found himself calling her up occasionally to have dinner or lunch or just some random time together. They became closer than they had been their entire lives, and Martin was extremely grateful. Because Maggie didn't judge him, Maggie didn't expect anything from him, and for once in his life he found that he could talk to someone without feeling insecure._

"_Martin?" she asked again, reaching over to tap her spoon against his coffee cup._

_He looked up, surprised, smiling at her exasperated expression. "Sorry. I…I'm not sure how long I'll be gone," he answered. "It's not really something with a set time frame."_

_She frowned, watching him with a scrutinizing gaze as she pulled off another piece of her roll to eat. "And you can't call or write or anything while you're there?" she asked after she finished chewing._

_He shook his head. "You know I can't."_

_Sighing, she sipped her coffee and continued to watch him, silently studying him. Neither of them said anything for a while and eventually Martin grew uncomfortable under her watchful eyes. "What?" he asked, sounding annoyed._

_She shook her head and sighed again, sitting back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. "Why did you take this assignment?" she asked curiously, something in her eyes telling Martin that she already had her own answer figured out._

"_I told you, I thought it would be exciting. A trip to the Caribbean, nothing too hard…I'm just observing some people," he explained, glancing around briefly. He had already told her more than he was supposed to tell anyone about where he was going and why. And she knew that, considering their father had never discussed any aspect of his work with them or their mother while they were growing up._

"_Yes, that's what you said," she replied, sounding slightly inpatient. "But I don't think that's the real reason. I think you just wanted to escape and this afforded you the perfect chance," she continued, leaning forward in her seat again. "But you're doing this all wrong Martin!" she said, voice rising slightly as she pressed a finger down against the tabletop, trying to emphasize what she was saying. "If you want to escape just go. Run away and don't look back!"_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about Margaret," he replied coolly, sitting back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, effectively shutting out her words and the meaning behind them._

_She knew what he was doing and she glared at him, nearly breaking her coffee cup she set it down so hard. Martin glanced around and saw the quick stares from some of the other people. "I hate it when you do that," she hissed. "Close yourself off from me like that…so damn stubborn," she added under her breath. "All I'm saying is…I know you're not happy," she lowered her voice and looked at him with tender eyes now. He continued to stare at her without flinching, never changing his expression although his heartbeat sped up just slightly. "And I think it would be good for you to get away for a while…but not like this Martin. It's still your job, still _his_ job…and it's not really going to let you escape anything."_

_Their food came shortly after that and neither of them spoke for the rest of the meal, although Maggie tried several times to catch his eye. It wasn't until they were outside and he was about to tell her goodbye – his flight was leaving in two hours – that she breached the uncomfortable rift between them, throwing her arms around his neck and whispering fiercely to be careful._

_Despite his best intentions, his resolve to stay angry with her crumbled and he hugged her back, promising what he could and telling her she'd be the first person he'd call when he got back from Cuba._

After dinner Martin stood outside on the porch, watching the ocean from a distance and noting distant rumble of thunder. He'd already thought about her once tonight but the thunder made him think of his sister again and how much she loved thunderstorms.

"It's going to rain," Danny remarked, sitting on the railing in front of Martin and looking up at him curiously. "Why are you smiling?"

Martin shook his head and met Danny's eyes. "Nothing, just thinking of my sister Maggie…she loves storms." Danny returned his smile and waited for Martin to continue. Despite everything else, Martin felt strangely relaxed talking about Maggie. It was a way for him to be honest when he'd already told so many lies. "She's actually the one that convinced me to come here for a while," he added easily. It was a half-truth of sorts because Maggie had wanted him to get away…only not under these circumstances.

"Well then," Danny answered, standing up and wrapping his arms loosely around Martin's waist. "Give her my thanks."

Martin smiled, ignoring the way his heart hurt when he thought about how much Maggie would like Danny and vice versa. It was a stupid thought; even if there were no secrets between them and Maggie a mere phone call away. It wasn't as if he could just bring Danny over and introduce him as his lover. Despite how close he'd become with his sister, she still didn't know his biggest secret.

Shaking his head, he forced all such thoughts away and concentrated on the present with Danny. He leaned in and kissed the other man, wrapping his arms around his back and pulling him closer. They stayed that way for a while, Danny leaning back against the porch railing and holding Martin close, trading kisses and touching each other softly.

The thunder, which had been distant before, was much closer now, and the wind had picked up slightly; a storm was definitely on its way. "We should probably go inside," Danny murmured against his lips, his hands sliding through Martin's hair and across the back of his neck.

But Martin made no move to leave, slipping his arms more tightly around Danny's waist and pulling him closer. "Danny," he whispered, lips warm against the other man's neck.

"Hmm?" he replied softly, fingers lingering in Martin's hair as he tilted his head to the side to allow Martin better access to his neck.

Martin pulled back, only enough so he could look into Danny's eyes, watching as they flickered from a hazy sort of pleasure to something more serious. He swallowed hard and bit his lower lip nervously, but he didn't look away, struck by the sudden thought that had crossed his mind several times but he hadn't yet been brave enough to ask. He wanted to ask now. Needed to before it was too late.

"Danny, there's _more_ isn't there?" he asked softly, hands trembling a little as he pressed them more firmly against Danny's back. "More than…than what we've been doing…" he trailed off, uncertain on how to phrase it. He still didn't know exactly what he was asking or if he should be asking. But he knew what he felt. Something deeper, stronger…a feeling he got when Danny was on top of him, kissing him and grinding against him, desperate, needy…the way he would sometimes freeze when Martin would wrap his arms and legs around him, as if there was something else he wanted but couldn't bring himself to ask for. And Martin _knew_ – or thought he did anyway – and he was willing to give Danny more. _Wanted_ to give him more.

Danny looked at him carefully, eyes flashing with something Martin couldn't quite figure out. He cupped Martin's face in his hands and leaned forward, shutting his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. "Yes," he said softly. Martin shuddered, that one word running through him like nothing had before. He sensed a needy sort of desperation that Danny must have been holding back from him. "There's more…" he went on in that same ragged voice, his hands shaking as they trailed down Martin's arms and around his waist, moving low on his back and over his hips. "I can be inside of you," he whispered, pulling them more tightly together, whimpering softly.

Martin watched him; fascinated by the way he looked. His words made him feel hotter, a needy sort of lust clawing its way through him and making him _crave_ what Danny was offering. He touched Danny's face with his fingertips, kissing him softly and murmuring for him to please open his eyes. When he did, Martin swallowed hard, but he didn't look away. "Do you…do you want to do that with me?" he asked softly, voice trembling slightly.

Danny shuddered, biting down on his lip, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a moan. He kissed Martin hungrily, frantically, pulling apart only when they finally needed to breathe. He met Martin's nervous gaze again and suddenly went very still, swallowing hard and shutting his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before opening them again. He ran his fingers through Martin's hair and tried to smile softly. "I…I promised you I wouldn't go too fast," he whispered, looking both desperate and contrite.

Martin shook his head and pulled them together again. Lightning lit up the sky as it started to rain and Danny turned his head to look out at the ocean, angry and dark now. Martin pressed his lips to Danny's neck and then his ear, kissing his skin warmly, his heart racing. He wanted more. "That's not what I asked," he whispered. "Do you want that?" he repeated, voice firmer now. He felt wildly confident, seeing Danny so visibly undone and uncertain. "Do you want to be inside of me?" he asked softly, his voice wavering only slightly.

Danny moaned again, squeezing his eyes shut for just a second before turning to meet Martin's stare. Martin felt him press closer, felt the way Danny's body was humming with desire. And the look in his eyes was enough to make Martin whimper just before Danny pressed their mouths together in a searing kiss. "Yes," he answered raggedly. "God Martin…_yes_. I want that…I want you that way so badly."

Martin slid his fingers to the back of Danny's neck as they pulled apart, and just looked at him for a few moments. The look of desire and passion in Danny's eyes made Martin's knees tremble, but he found it easy to make his decision. Quietly, he pulled back a little and took Danny's hand in his own. Without a word, Martin led him inside the house, away from the approaching storm and into the bedroom.

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

He lay quietly in the early morning light and watched Danny sleep. The thought crossed his mind to disappear then…to slip out of bed, out of the house and just leave. It would be easier in a way; because he knew the longer he waited the more difficult it would become to leave. And unfortunately, his leaving was inevitable. Despite all the time he'd spent with Danny for the past few months, he'd still had plenty of moments to do his job. An interesting contrast, his secretive and somewhat dangerous work to the person he was with Danny. It was what had made him go after the job in the first place…the chance to be someone else, to escape himself and his life. The information he had gathered was important to his assignment, to what they were trying to learn, but he knew there wasn't much more for him to do. All too soon, he knew his time in Cuba was going to have to end.

Last night he had never felt freer or more alive. But now, as he lay in bed and watched the soft rise and fall of his lover's chest, he felt more trapped than he had ever been in his life.

_Each crash of thunder was louder now; the rain fell steadily if not harder by the minute as the storm broke overhead. It was a fitting sort of background for the emotions rushing through Martin, crackling between himself and Danny as they came together in the center of the room and looked at each other. Just looked for several long moments, eyes locked, a pleading sort of need visible on both of their faces. Danny touched him first, hands trembling a little as they ran from his neck over his shoulders and slowly down his arms, gripping carefully to Martin's fingers._

_Martin understood his question before he ever voiced it and he nodded, stepping closer and resting his forehead against Danny's. "I'm sure," he murmured, eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his lips to Danny's and kissed him._

Martin shivered and squeezed his eyes tightly shut, biting back tears. When he'd gotten himself under control he looked over at Danny again – still soundly asleep and smiling slightly – he felt his heart ache so agonizingly that he had to press his hand to his chest, willing the pain to stop. Carefully, so as not to wake the other man, he slipped out of bed, wincing slightly as he moved, unsurprised by the pain he felt. However, it only furthered his desire to cry so he quickly ignored it as he pulled on his boxers and pants and quietly slipped out of the bedroom.

He leaned back against the side of the house and looked out at the ocean from a distance, noting from where he stood on the porch that it was still raining slightly. The ocean looked dark and gray, quite a contrast to its shining blue water of the day before, and Martin smiled bitterly seeing how perfectly it reflected his own state of mind. No matter what he did, he couldn't take his mind off of the night before, of Danny, and the inescapable fact of his true feelings. Without ever really knowing what love was, he knew without a doubt that he felt it now. He'd suspected it before but now…after last night…he _knew_.

_It was an odd line but one he was used to by now: squarely set between desire and embarrassment. This time though...it was different. Martin wasn't sure if it was the storm or the fact that he had initiated their actions, but the atmosphere was different. Danny's eyes held a promise that Martin had never seen before, and had no idea how to interpret. It alternately thrilled and terrified him, but he surrendered to what he saw without a second thought as Danny smiled, his hands gentle and warm as they encouraged Martin onto his back, fingers quick and nimble as they lifted his shirt over his head and unfastened his pants._

_Wasn't long before they were both naked and moving against each other. Martin clutching Danny close. Danny's every touch, every press of his lips against Martin's heated skin possessive and wanting. But Danny's eyes flickered as he went further, his murmurings soft, soothing. Hands gentle, but determined as they urged Martin to bend his knees, to spread his legs. Leaned down, whispering words that Martin couldn't comprehend, too lost as he was in feeling. Danny's fingers, demanding and slow…pushing inside of Martin until sharp pain faded into shameless pleasure. Something new and hot – nearly stifling – rose inside of him and he wanted more._

_He pleaded with Danny for that _more_, pulling him closer, kissing him roughly, biting down on his lower lip and whimpering as Danny's fingers found their way inside of him again and again. "I want you," he begged. "Please…please Danny."_

_And Danny paused, in the middle of it all, stilling Martin's desperate pleadings with a pointed look and a gentle hand on his chin. Something there, deep in his brown eyes – darkened by desire – that Martin longed for. Something fierce and loyal and powerfully out of his reach. He wanted to look away, struck by an aching in his heart even now, in the middle of what they were doing; but Danny held him still with his hand on his chin._

"_Your eyes have never been that blue," he murmured, a soft look of surprise passing over his features, as if he hadn't meant to say the words aloud. _

"_Danny…"_

_They kissed again, neither sure who started it this time, but Martin was grateful. Another few moments and he saw himself pouring out all of his secrets, whispering his desperate apologies and the feelings he barely knew how to feel. But as their kiss broke, Danny's hands were on his hips and thighs, urging Martin's legs apart as he settled himself between them. Their eyes met, and Danny leaned down to kiss him again._

"_Stop me if it's too much," he whispered against Martin's lips._

"_It'll hurt," Martin replied softly, more of a statement than a question._

_Regret passed quickly through Danny's eyes as he nodded, kissing the corner of Martin's mouth softly. He looked like he wanted to say something else, to make a promise that Martin knew he couldn't let himself hear. So instead he kissed Danny again, arched up against him and murmured his name._

_Martin squeezed his eyes shut and pushed his head back into the pillow as Danny pushed slowly inside of him. He'd been right...it did hurt. More than he'd thought. Yet when Danny stopped, when he leaned down and gently brushed tears off of Martin's cheek and whispered his name, Martin still found himself wanting more. He opened his eyes, met Danny's concerned gaze and just shook his head, squeezing his hands into fists and digging his nails into his palms._

"_Martin...take a deep breath baby," Danny said softly, a pleading sort of look in his brown eyes. Martin could feel him trembling, watched as he struggled with the desire to take more, waiting until Martin was ready. He did as Danny asked and took several deep breaths, finding that the pain lessened slightly each time he did._

_Danny took one of Martin's hands in his own and gently uncurled his fist, letting Martin hold tightly to his hand instead. He moaned softly as Martin moved a little, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment as his head dropped forward. "Martin..." his voice was desperate, begging, and Martin found himself unable to refuse. He didn't want to._

"_More Danny...please," he whispered. He could feel the other man's need, watched as indecision flickered through Danny's dark eyes...desire warring with worry. Martin squeezed Danny's hand tighter, reaching up with his other hand to brush his fingers over Danny's forehead and hair, trying to convey what he wanted with his eyes._

_By now, Danny could only nod, slowly pushing further and further until he was buried inside of Martin, a deep pleasure-filled moan escaping his lips as he stopped. Martin bit down so hard on his bottom lip that he tasted blood, couldn't stop the tears from welling in his eyes even as he squeezed them shut. He was gripping Danny's hand so tightly he was sure he was going to break his fingers, but Danny made no attempt to pull away or stop him. Instead, Martin felt him lean down closer, his free hand gentle on Martin's face and neck, words soft and persistent as they tried to soothe him, pleading with him to open his eyes. Danny kissed him then, tongue insistent, coaxing Martin to open his mouth, licked at the self-inflicted tear in his lip. He trailed his hand down over Martin's chest and stomach, lower then to wrap around his cock._

_Everything changed slowly but all at once. The pain started fading, less intense the longer he waited, pleasure quickening with every second as Danny stroked him, kissed him. It wasn't long before he found himself wrapping his arms around Danny's back, pulling him closer and kissing him back, wanting more. And then Danny moved, pulling out of him slightly and pushing back in, one fluid movement that seemed to alter everything. Danny moaned, low in his throat, the sound thrilling Martin as he grasped the other man closer._

"_Danny…" he begged, desperate for more._

"_God Martin…" he gasped, voice husky and low, his breath hot against Martin's mouth. "You feel so good…"_

_As Danny began moving, thrusting in and out of him, Martin felt everything shift. The pain was gone, replaced by a deep, intense pleasure that he had never felt before. Different yet the same as what they'd done before…a culmination of all those nights…the pleasure fiercer, the need greater._

_He broke away from Danny's kiss with a cry of pleasure, seeing stars as he threw his head back, fingers digging into Danny's back, pulling him ever closer. "Oh God Danny…again…" he pleaded, his voice deep, trembling with desire. _

_Danny's lips found his throat, sucking, licking, nipping at the skin, going lower to his shoulder, over his collarbone. His hands were everywhere, moving down his sides to his hips, slipping beneath them and urging his legs back further so he could push in deeper. "Wrap your legs around me," he whispered, breathless, arms slipping beneath Martin, pulling him up closer. "Knew you'd be like this…so good baby," he gasped._

_They were so close, wrapped around each other, kissing frantically as if they needed each other to breathe. Danny thrust into him over and over, filling him, pushing him to the edge, pleasure so powerful it threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't let go of Danny, couldn't stop wanting, felt surrounded…completed._

"_Come for me Martin…" Danny begged, his voice hot, demanding almost. "Almost there…want you to…come…"_

_And it only took a moment more. Martin felt his whole body tighten, his orgasm washing over him powerfully, making him shake. He gripped Danny tightly, moaning his name and a string of incoherent words, wave after wave of pleasure bursting over him and drawing him under. He felt Danny tremble moments after, clutching Martin close as he came deep inside of him, moaning, Martin's name falling repeatedly from his lips._

Martin choked back a cry, sinking to the porch and burying his face in his hands as his tears started to fall. No matter what he did he couldn't put the images from the previous night out of his head. Nor his feelings. He could still feel Danny inside him…remembered every detail of what it had felt like, being so connected, practically one person. And afterwards Danny had held him close, murmuring soft words, soothing him with soft touches and warm, gentle kisses. They'd stayed that way for a long time, Martin needing the closeness so desperately. He'd been surprised at how empty he'd felt after Danny had pulled out. But Danny had been so careful with him – like he had been since the very first moment.

He was in love. Irrevocably. Completely. Desperately.

And he'd never felt more lost in his life.

The last thing he wanted to do was leave, but he'd known all along that they would have to at some point. The problem was he had never expected to feel as much as he did now. He stood quietly on the porch while Danny gave the inside of the house one last look to make sure nothing was out of place.

Danny had made the reluctant suggestion, a few nights after they had made love that first time, that although he didn't want to, they should probably head back to Havana soon. Martin had wanted to plead for more time, but he kept quiet, too afraid that he'd reveal his feelings - or his secrets - if he tried. He'd been able to sense Danny's mutual reluctance, getting the feeling that the other man would like to stay hidden away from the rest of the world almost as much as he would. But at the same time, Martin noticed - maybe for the first time - an unease in Danny's expression as he talked about getting back to check on his family and see how everyone was.

Danny had never talked much about his feelings on where he stood with his family, but from the few things he had said, Martin had been able to pick up on a distance there. In a way, he seemed to be the black sheep of the family, an outcast almost...only still allowed in the family because it was easier to just ignore him rather than push him away. And mostly, Martin had been able to sense that Danny wasn't as nonchalant as he outwardly appeared to be. There were moments when Danny would speak of his father, of their closeness, and a certain look of pain always flickered through his eyes that made Martin want to comfort him in some way.

But probably most surprising to him was Danny's awareness of what was going on around him at home...with his brother and uncle. He knew the situation with the country and while he'd never really talked about it, Martin knew that it bothered him. In a way Martin understood Danny's choice to ignore the situation and to pretend that it didn't affect him. So much had the possibility of changing were things to get worse, and Martin knew Danny didn't want to deal with it. Worst of all, Martin knew just how much of a betrayal his actions would be construed as were Danny to ever find out.

"Ready?" Danny asked, startling Martin out of his thoughts.

Martin smiled sadly and shook his head. "No, not really…but I guess I have to be huh?" he murmured.

Danny set down the bag he was carrying and pulled Martin against him. He kissed him warmly, sighing into Martin's mouth, tasting him, slowly pulling back and softening the kiss until their lips were only lightly pressed together. "I know it won't be entirely the same now Martin," he said softly. "But…I don't want this to end."

Martin felt his heart ache sharply and he looked up into Danny's eyes, swallowing hard over the soft expression he saw there. Continuing this relationship once they got back to Havana would be more difficult, but Martin knew he wouldn't be able to resist. What Danny didn't know though, and what was consequently breaking Martin's heart, was that it had to end sooner or later. As soon as he gathered all of the information he needed to, it would be over. He'd be forced to go back to America and leave Danny behind.

He forced the thought out of his mind before it caused him too much pain. Instead he smiled shyly and nodded, linking his hands behind Danny's neck and kissing him again. "Me neither."

tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

"What exactly were you thinking?"

"I called," Martin protested. "I left a message."

The other man slammed his hand down on the table, shutting his eyes for a few seconds and trying to get his temper under control. Martin glanced around nervously, noting the brief looks of curiosity his companion's outburst had caused. Of course, Rodger's entire appearance was cause for interest. It was summer in Havana and he was in a three-piece suit. Looking out of place was an understatement.

His several-week absence in Havana had not gone unnoticed by those he worked for. Despite the fact that he had called Washington and left a message the night he'd left for the country with Danny, it was still unacceptable. The message had clearly stated that he would be out of contact for a few weeks, but everything was running smoothly and there was no cause for alarm. Apparently, they hadn't believed him.

Two nights ago, Danny had dropped him off at his hotel with the soft, solemn promise to see him soon. It had been on the tip of Martin's tongue to stop him from leaving and to tell him the truth. He wanted to confess everything to Danny – including his feelings – before things went any further. But the words had died on his lips before he had the chance. Danny's gentle squeeze of his hand, and brief, warm kiss in the car before he left had paralyzed Martin, and he once more found himself heartbroken over what he knew would never work.

But now, as he sat in a crowded but secluded bar with Rodger – one of his superiors from the agency – he wished he had been braver. Maybe Danny would forgive him. Maybe Danny would understand. Maybe, somehow, they could be together. It was wishful thinking, Martin knew, but he clung to the thoughts desperately.

"Martin, you can't just disappear…are you listening to me?" Rodger asked impatiently.

Martin took a sip of his water and nodded. "Yes," he answered, hoping he didn't sound too impatient.

Apparently, he hadn't tried hard enough though because Rodger narrowed his eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh, something Martin fought not to laugh over. Truthfully, he'd never had a problem with Rodger, had even liked him as much as one can like a coworker who is technically a boss. The real problem was that Martin wasn't sure exactly who all had learned of his several-week absence from Havana. If it was only Rodger or someone higher up or, worst of all, his father.

Martin jumped and looked up when Rodger clanged his knife against his glass. "You're not listening to me," he snapped impatiently.

Martin nodded absently, eyes focused behind Rodger, a nervous feeling settling in his stomach as he fought to see around the people lingering at the restaurant's entrance. When he didn't answer further, Rodger stopped talking, and while Martin hardly believed the other man was through berating him, he was glad for the momentary silence. He could've sworn that he had seen Danny…walking from the other side of the restaurant with a small group of people on their way out. Although they could easily lie their way out of the situation – Rodger was an old family friend who just happened to be in Havana – it made Martin anxious to leave, to escape to the relative safety and privacy of his hotel room. If Rodger wanted to continue telling him what he'd done wrong, he would prefer he did it there rather than out in public. If Danny found out…if Danny overheard….

He shivered, quickly putting his napkin down and taking another sip of water. "Are you finished?" he asked briskly. Rodger raised an eyebrow curiously, but Martin was quickly beginning to feel as if he were suffocating. Not waiting for a reply, he stood up and eyes Rodger impatiently. "I'll wait for you outside."

Martin left quickly, anxious for the relative anonymity of the street outside the restaurant. He walked away from the entranceway and leaned up against the side of the building, releasing a shaky breath and crossing his arms over his chest. Trying to appear casual, he looked around cautiously, eyes desperately searching for the face he knew so well. After about ten minutes he began to breathe easier, not seeing Danny anywhere, although the street was busy and there were a few groups of people lingering about the restaurant entrance and across the street.

"Thinking of disappearing again?"

Martin sighed, eyeing Rodger cautiously. The other man seemed more curious than angry, more like he wanted an excuse and not the truth. Again, Martin had to wonder exactly why he was here…if it truly was just to deliver a reprimand for his actions or if it were something else. If someone _else_ wanted to know where he had been and why. There was only one person whom Martin could think of that would truly want that information. And for his own purposes.

"It won't happen again," Martin answered, sounding weary even to his own ears. If his suspicions were true…he was so incredibly tired of playing this game.

Rodger nodded curtly, turning away and indicating that Martin should follow him. They walked in silence, only a block or two, Martin absently wondering where they were going and why, but not entirely curious enough to care. Rodger turned off into a small alley between two buildings and Martin followed obediently, resigned to the fact that he wasn't done being criticized. What he hadn't been prepared for were questions.

"Where did you go Martin?" Rodger's voice was soft, almost apologetic. They had stopped midway down the alley and Rodger had turned to face him, arms crossed over his chest, eyes unreadable.

Martin frowned, positive now that there was more of a reason for this visit than just the fact that he'd gone without contacting anyone for a few weeks. The CIA wasn't quite so hell-bent on the rules being followed to the letter. As long as they got the result they wanted in the end, it was generally considered okay to use whatever means necessary. It certainly didn't require the agent in question to divulge those means…in fact it was a silent rule of sorts to encourage the opposite. Thus, the agency itself couldn't technically be accused of any wrongdoings. So while Martin's so-called disappearance for a few weeks had probably raised some eyebrows, it shouldn't have warranted a visit from a senior agent to inquire as to where he had been.

"I had a lead of sorts," he answered quietly, careful to keep his voice neutral, to keep his hands casually at his side and not ball them up into fists like he wanted to.

"Martin."

"Rodger."

Martin swallowed hard as the other man looked away, almost embarrassed. He shut his eyes for a few moments before turning back to look Martin in the eye again. "Tell me where you went," he repeated.

"Is this a new rule?" Martin snapped, crossing his arms over his chest lest he start shaking. "That we have to divulge our every move? Should I be writing a detailed report too? We're not the god damned FBI Rodger," he said angrily, blue eyes flashing furiously.

Rodger sighed and shook his head, again looking away for a few moments. He seemed to be trying to figure out what he wanted to say next. Martin could sense how uncomfortable he had suddenly become, but he refused to back down, waiting for an explanation. Instead, he received an ultimatum.

"Tell me where you were…or I pull you off this assignment."

Martin's eyes widened. He opened his mouth to protest but there were no words; he was furious. Rodger had the grace to appear apologetic and awkwardly embarrassed; Martin knew that the other man didn't agree with the questions he'd been forced to ask. He wasn't whom Martin truly wanted to argue with, to _scream_ at, but he was the only one here, and thus he had the bad luck of being the one that Martin directed his anger towards.

"So you're here to baby-sit me then?" he asked, voice cold. "Did you do something wrong Rodger? Is this your punishment…follow Victor Fitzgerald's kid around and make sure he doesn't fuck anything up?"

"Martin…" Rodger tried to interrupt, a subtle warning in his tone.

"No, listen to me," he went on angrily. "I've done everything right. I've spent months watching Rafael and Luis. I've gathered more information than would ever be necessary considering we're not even intent on taking any sort of action that I'm aware of. I even befriended Rafael's younger brother to see if there was anything I was missing," he continued, sure to keep his voice steady, lest he give something away. It hurt something deep in his heart to lessen his and Danny's relationship this way. It was a terrible lie, but one he had to tell…especially if he wanted any chance of telling Danny the truth on his own. "And _that_," he continued, "Is where I was for the past few weeks. Danny's easier to get close to than his brother or his uncle. We took a trip to various places on the island…most notably his family's house along the ocean. I kept my eyes and ears open to see what I could find out…got him to open up about his family. All things I was planning on reporting before you came down here needing to know _everything_," he finished, voice tight and heated with anger.

Rodger nodded, holding up a hand to keep Martin from saying anything else. "That's all I needed to know," he replied softly. Martin knew it wasn't his fault, knew that in all actuality Rodger probably hated this, but he was furious and couldn't resist another word before Rodger walked away.

"Be sure to tell my _father_ that the next time he feels the need to spy on me that I'd prefer he do it himself," he spat out angrily, eyes narrowing as they watched him nod and then turn away. Martin knew he'd be on a plane tonight, back to Washington to report what he had found out.

He shut his eyes for a moment and turned away from the direction Rodger had gone. How easy would it be for him to just disappear? To never go home? He could stay here or go somewhere else completely. Somewhere where no one knew him or knew that his father was practically the head of the CIA…somewhere that he could – for the first time – be his own person.

Still angry, he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ward off a headache he already felt coming. His only relief was that he knew no one else would ever find out. His father would deny his actions even if Martin confronted him. And Rodger would certainly never even mention this meeting or his trip to Cuba. No one would ever know. Except that Martin _always_ would.

"So you're a spy."

He spun around quickly, his blood turning to ice at the sound of a voice he recognized so well. He was dizzy. He tried repeatedly to take a deep breath, to stop his stomach from bottoming out, but he felt cold all over.

"Danny." It was barely a whisper, his heart clenching in pain as the other man drew himself out of the shadows and came closer.

"CIA huh?" Danny murmured, his voice deceptively soft.

"Danny please…" Martin managed, stepping backwards as Danny came closer. He kept moving until his back hit the unyielding wall behind him. He pressed into the rough brick desperately as he forced himself to look up into Danny's eyes…something he instantly regretted. The face he knew so well twisted with anger, the eyes he had seen soften and smile at him were now cold, dark and worst of all unreadable.

Danny's smile was cruel as he leaned closer, grabbing Martin's hands in his own and pinning them against the wall. "You left something out of your report, didn't you?" he said, voice soft and calm…and unmistakably furious. Martin bit his lower lip, blinking back tears as he shook his head and swallowed hard over the lump in his throat. "Should we call him back Martin? I'm sure he's just down the street. Don't you want to tell him everything? That you spent most of that time in bed with me? That you let me fuck you?" he sneered, voice shaking with anger.

"Please let me explain," Martin begged, his vision blurry with tears, his wrists hurting from how tightly Danny held them against the wall.

"No!" Danny yelled. "I don't want your explanations. They'd just be lies anyway," he added in a lower voice. Martin shook his head but Danny silenced him with a look, his eyes black and cold. "Don't. Don't say another god damned word to me Martin. Everything you've said to me…from the moment we met has been a lie." His voice was cold, empty and Martin felt his world start to crumble. But now he had no way out. Danny had heard his secrets, revealed in the worst possible way, and Martin didn't know how to make things right. "You lied about who you are, about why you're here. You got close to me for information on my brother and my uncle."

Martin shook his head again. "No, I didn't--"

"I heard you!" Danny screamed. He stared at Martin for a few seconds longer, suddenly letting go of his wrists and breaking away, pressing his fingers to his closed eyelids as he stepped back. "I don't know what you thought you possibly gained," he added, voice softer now. "My brother and my uncle don't tell me anything of importance. They don't trust me; half the time they forget I even exist," he paused, sounding more weary now. He glanced at Martin again and for a second let his eyes linger before closing himself off again. "I told you this," he continued. "I poured my god damned heart out to you!" he yelled, breaking off to laugh suddenly, a bitter, angry sound that made Martin wince. "You probably had trouble waiting so patiently, didn't you?"

"Waiting for what?" Martin asked softly, voice trembling. He wanted more than anything to move closer to Danny, but he was afraid the other man would bolt.

"For me to give you some sort of information you could use!"

Martin shook his head. "No Danny," he pleaded.

Danny looked at him again, eyes flashing with hurt before settling back into anger. It was so painful…the raw, broken look that Martin glimpsed in the other man's eyes. Danny's anger was one thing – justified, temporary as all anger was – but seeing how hurt he was sent a hopeless, aching pain through Martin's entire being.

"You did such a good job," he said bitterly, looking up. There were tears in his eyes now and Martin couldn't help stepping forward, his heart breaking all the more when Danny put up his hands and stepped away. "Such a convincing job playing the innocent. Do you get paid extra for sleeping with your mark?" he asked, voice openly trembling now.

Martin didn't stop his tears as they started to fall. He shook his head, reaching out to grasp Danny's hand in his own, letting out a broken cry of pain when Danny immediately wrenched his hand away. "Don't touch me Martin," he hissed, eyes flashing darkly, mixing anger with hurt and breaking Martin even further.

"I never meant to hurt you like this," he whispered, pleading, desperate. When Danny didn't immediately interrupt him, Martin went on quickly, needing to explain while he had the chance. Not that he expected Danny to believe him. "I didn't even…it was never really my plan to try to get information from you," he explained. "After the first couple times we met I realized that you…you really didn't know anything that would be helpful."

"Then why keep seeing me?"

Those words hurt more than Martin knew how to explain, but he knew he had to try. "Because you make me feel like no one else ever has," he whispered. "It had nothing to do with my assignment, with your brother or your uncle or what you might or might not have known. I just…I wanted what you were offering. I wanted to be with you. Danny, I _swear_," he went on in earnest. "The past few weeks…none of it was a lie. I promise you," he pleaded.

"Is that worth much?" Danny replied, his voice empty. "Your promises. As good as your honesty?"

Martin looked down, biting on his lower lip and hugging his arms around his chest, trying not to cry and failing miserably. A sob escaped his lips and he felt his heart break. Felt those feelings that he'd just begun to feel crack and shatter at his feet. "I'm sorry," he managed, voice shaking through his tears. He looked up, surprised by the look of sadness on Danny's face. "I never wanted to hurt you. And I…I was going to tell you the truth before we came back, but I…I was afraid…"

"You were never going to tell me," Danny said harshly. "But what _were_ you going to do Martin? When your assignment was over? Wave goodbye and fly back to America?" His voice was bitter and broken, eyes flashing with an almost expectant sort of pain.

"I…I was just…going to leave," Martin said brokenly. "Disappear without…without telling you."

Danny's eyes widened, his anger falling away for one brief moment, showing Martin _exactly_ how hurt he really was. It hurt Martin even more, in a way he'd never thought possible, and he wanted more than anything to start over. He wanted another chance. So he could show Danny how important he was to him, how much he wanted to be with him…how much he loved him.

"Danny…I love you," he whispered, the thought leaving his lips before he could think to stop it. "I'm so sorry for lying to you about why I came here. When it first started, I never thought that we'd become so…so involved," he went on, desperate for Danny to understand and believe him. "But I didn't know how to stop it. Any of it…until things went too far and I realized what I felt and…God Danny, I'm sorry," he choked out, tears wet on his face again.

And Danny eyed him carefully for a few minutes, hurt and anger flashing over his face, his expression dark and sad until finally, his own eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. "I don't believe you," he whispered. "How can I Martin? This is your job…you lie, you make things up and leave things out. I can't…can't trust you or anything you say. You used me for information. Betrayed my trust and made me…care about you," he cried. "And now there's…well, nothing."

He stared quietly at Martin for a few more moments before turning and walking away. Martin sobbed openly, taking a few steps after him, helplessly calling his name, to which Danny quickly turned around and shook his head. And then he was gone. Leaving Martin alone and broken, cold and empty in an alleyway of Havana. Glancing upwards he saw the moon peak out from behind the clouds, a familiar sight for the Cuban nighttime. Identical almost to the night, not so long ago, that he'd stood outside in an alleyway similar to this one, with the same moon shining down on him as Danny had kissed him for the first time.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thanks to all who have been reading & reviewing! Just a quick FYI: I've almost finished writing...there will be 11 chapters total. On Wednesday I'll be leaving for vacation (in West Palm Beach, Florida!) so I won't be able to post the last few chapters until I get back in a week. I'll try to post another chapter before I leave if I can. :)_

**Chapter 8**

It had been a week. In all reality Martin really had no reason to stay in Cuba any longer. The information he'd been assigned to gather was as complete as it could be. He'd even received a phone call – a few days after Rodger's visit – that as soon as he felt that he had all the information necessary that he could return home. But he couldn't just leave with things the way they were.

The problem was, he had no real way of reaching Danny. He knew where he lived, yes, but he doubted it was a good idea to walk up and knock on the front door. Besides, Danny had told him he didn't spend much time at home if he could help it…yet Martin had no idea where he spent the rest of his time. He didn't have a phone number for Danny…most of their meetings had always been initiated by Danny and he had called Martin at his hotel. And sometimes Danny had just shown up…had found Martin in various locales throughout the city and Martin had no clue how. And so night after night since Danny had found out his secrets, Martin forced himself to go out, to visit the bars and restaurants they had gone to together, hoping to see Danny, to try and talk with him. But he had no luck and every night his heart broke a little more.

He was miserable. He couldn't sleep at night, haunted by the hurt he'd glimpsed in Danny's eyes. He replayed that evening over and over in his mind, torturing himself with what he'd let happen. Plagued by what-ifs, he thought again and again of what he _should _have done and _could_ have done to have prevented Danny from finding out the way he had. Day and night, his heart ached for what he had done. He missed Danny terribly. He lost his appetite. If he slept at all it would only be for one or two hours at the most before he'd awake in tears, whimpering, pleading with his dreams for another chance.

Tonight, he'd had every intention of going out again, of trying to find Danny, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to get up, to uncurl himself from where he lay in bed wrapped tightly around a pillow. He couldn't bear the thought of looking again and not finding him, but nor could he bear the thought of giving up and going home. If he left now, if he didn't at least try to find Danny and make things right, he'd spend his life regretting it.

The knock on the door was unexpected and surprising and his first thought was that it was Rodger or someone else from the CIA come to ask more questions, or more probable – to force him to come home. He had almost made up his mind to stay where he was and not answer when he heard his name being called.

"Martin, it's me…" Soft, hesitant and so very weary.

But it was a voice he knew so well and had been _yearning_ to hear again. Seconds passed and he was across the room and opening the door, eyes filling with tears at the sight of Danny in front of him. More than anything he wanted to reach out to him, to pull him close and feel Danny's arms around him. Instead he barely managed to whisper the other man's name as he stepped aside to let him into the room and shut the door behind them.

Martin waited, unsure on what to do next or why Danny was here. He wanted to apologize again, to somehow make Danny believe that he had never meant to hurt and betray him the way he had. Instead he watched Danny carefully, noting the other man's sad and tired appearance, wanting so desperately to somehow take his pain away. To make Danny smile again.

"You have to go home," Danny said softly, looking up and meeting Martin's eyes for the first time.

Martin stepped closer, frowning, his heart aching painfully. "Danny, I--"

Danny shook his head and held up his hand. "Please don't argue with me Martin," he murmured, voice trembling. "You have to go back to America. Soon." He paused, taking a deep breath and watching Martin carefully. There was a strange light in his eyes, something fearful and anxious. Yet at the same time, Martin sensed his sadness, his reluctance it seemed to say what he was saying.

"I don't want to leave yet Danny," Martin finally answered, his voice soft, full of a determination he hadn't been sure he possessed. "Not before I…" he stopped for a moment, stepping closer, hand shaking as he reached out tentatively and slipped his fingers into Danny's palm. "Can we talk please?" he asked. "Can I try to explain?"

Danny's gaze was wavering, but he didn't push Martin away, didn't let go of his hand, and for a few moments Martin thought he was going to agree. But then he shook his head, biting on his lower lip as he looked away, eyes sad…hopeless almost. "You have to leave," he repeated. "After…the other night, I forced myself to pay closer attention. To my brother and my uncle…to what they've been doing…" he trailed off, shaking his head, appearing angry again. But it passed and he sighed sadly, eyes holding Martin's own for a few moments before looking away. "They know someone's been spying on them. They don't know why…I'm not sure I do either," he said truthfully. "But they're bound to figure out it's you sooner rather than later. You're American…you've been with me so much…they've seen you around various times. They'll figure it out Martin," he repeated, eyes flashing with what Martin could only assume to be worry.

Martin shook his head. "But Danny, it doesn't matter," he protested. "No matter what I found out we weren't going to take any action. It was just to get a sense of things…of the political climate. Of what's been happening with those who want to rebel…the possibility of communism. It was never about _doing_ anything though. At least not where I was concerned. I was just supposed to listen and observe and find out what I could. It's not just me," he went on. "We have other agents here too, watching others…from both sides of the fence." He stopped for a moment, treading carefully. "I never meant to hurt you," he said softly. "I wanted to tell you the truth. I was going to…before we came back to Havana. But I…"

"You didn't," Danny finished for him, dropping Martin's hand and taking a small step backwards. Sighing, he shook his head and ran his hands over his eyes tiredly. "Martin…I came here because I wanted to warn you. I need…you have to go home."

"Danny please let me--"

"Martin!" he cried, sounding desperate. "I can't deal with something happening to you because of my family. You _have_ to leave Cuba. Please. I can't…I…" his voice broke and he turned away, body trembling suddenly.

Before Martin could think enough to stop himself, he went to Danny, gathering him in his arms and holding him tightly. He was surprised – but glad – when the other man made no attempt to resist or to push him away. "I'm sorry," Martin whispered. Over and over he repeated the words, promising Danny that he never meant to hurt him intentionally. That he hadn't been using him for information. That all of their moments together had been real.

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered, pulling back enough so he could look into Danny's eyes.

Danny shook his head, all remnants of anger gone from his expression. "You have to go home," he whispered. "I want you to be safe."

"Come with me," Martin said suddenly, eyes lighting up. "We don't have to go to Washington…we can go anywhere," he said, his excitement dimming at the immediate and complete sadness he saw in Danny's eyes.

"I can't," he replied softly. "Two weeks ago…I would've gone anywhere with you. But I can't now…"

"Why not?" Martin pleaded quietly.

Danny pulled back, stepping away from him and crossing his arms over his chest, hugging himself tightly, looking up at Martin with tears in his eyes now. "Because I _can't_ leave now," he said, voice shaking. "Because of…of what you did, it forced me to pay attention. My brother and my uncle are fools Martin," he said bitterly. "They think that somehow, they'll be able to prevent what's going to happen. But it's inevitable that the people rebel; it's something I understand where neither Rafi nor uncle Luis does. They're going to get themselves killed. And I don't have any sympathy," he said with a cold sort of determination. "But what happens when they do? What happens to my mother, my aunt, my cousins? I can't just leave them Martin," he said, sounding resigned, torn. "Most of the time, I'm invisible. I'm nothing to any of them. But I can't…if Rafi and Luis are dead, someone needs to provide for them. And…my father would've wanted me to take care of them," he said quietly. "You forced me to pay attention," he went on. "And now that I _know_…I can't walk away."

Martin swallowed hard, moving closer again and gently cupping Danny's face in his hands and looking into his eyes. His heart ached painfully, seeing Danny's expression look so trapped and hopeless, where before he had always been so _alive_. "Then I'll stay," he whispered, fingers moving gently over Danny's face.

But Danny's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. "You can't," he whimpered. He pulled away from Martin's touch, instead gripping onto Martin's shoulders and looking at him desperately. "If you care about me at all Martin, you'll go," he pleaded.

"I _love_ you," Martin answered, his voice trembling, his vision blurring over tears. A helpless, broken sort of feeling was clawing its way through him. He wanted so badly to believe that he could somehow make this right, but every way he turned seemed to be a dead end.

Danny shook his head, tears slipping down his cheeks. "You can't stay here. They'll…they'll kill you," he cried. "And I…I _can't_ let that happen. Please don't put me through that," he begged.

And Martin wanted to protest that he could take care of himself, that he would be all right if he stayed. But it was foolish and prideful and he doubted his _father_ would wait too long before sending someone to find him if the situation in Cuba became outwardly hostile.

"You'll go home?" Danny asked, his expression, his voice full of a desperate hope that Martin was unable to ignore.

And though his heart protested sharply, breaking before he had the chance to prepare himself, he nodded, blinking over the tears in his eyes. He couldn't refuse Danny. "Yes."

Danny stared at him for only a few moments longer, turning away quickly and walking towards the door. But Martin caught him swiftly, spinning Danny around and pulling him tightly into his arms. "Stay," he begged, voice rough with need and pain. "I'll leave tomorrow, I swear to you," he said quickly before Danny had a chance to interrupt. "But stay the night Danny…please."

And Danny didn't say no, didn't resist. He surrendered to Martin's arms and kissed him. Hard, frantic kisses full of longing and need. They fell into bed within moments, kissing, touching, eager to rid one another of their clothes, to be close and together. They were desperate at first but slowed after the first few moments, cherishing and relishing every second they could. They made love slowly, skin sliding over skin, hot, passionate feelings building, washing over both of them. Hands clenched tightly to each other, both of them desperate to be as close as possible, wanting to be _closer_ even as Danny pushed inside of him. They didn't say a word, speaking instead with touches and kisses, of the steady movement of one of them inside the other. And when it was over they lay together in each other's arms – quiet still save for their breathing. Martin had never felt so close to Danny since they had met. And at the same time his heart bled with the knowledge that he had to leave him the very next day.

When he woke up Danny was already gone, something that served to make Martin ache even more. He lay in bed for a few hours, clutching Danny's pillow tightly to his chest, breathing in his scent and memorizing it, remembering every moment, every detail of the night before, promising himself he'd never forget a second of it.

There was nothing left for him to do now but leave. He wanted so very badly to seek Danny out again, to find him and plead with him. He wanted to stay, because it didn't matter to Martin who found out that he was a spy or what the consequences might be. But he'd promised Danny and he knew what the other man said to be true. And Martin couldn't put him through it.

He shut down completely as he boarded the plane, not letting himself feel anything lest he lose his mind to grief. It wasn't until nearly a day later, when he had landed in DC and had slowly made his way from the airport to his apartment that the feelings he'd buried started to creep back into his heart. He dropped his bags off at home and immediately left again, not surprised when he heard himself giving a taxi driver his sister's address.

She opened the door with a smile; setting down the bowl of ice cream she was holding on a table in her hallway and pulling him into her arms. "Martin!" she exclaimed, smiling happily. "I'm so glad you're back and you're all right! I've missed you," she said warmly.

He didn't make an attempt to stop his tears from falling and she pulled back when she felt him tremble, eyes fading into immediate concern as she gently touched his cheek. "I'm not all right Maggie," he sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut as his tears began to fall.

She pulled him back into her arms again as he fell apart, whispering his name and promising she'd do whatever she could to make things better. Words Martin appreciated somewhere in his heart, but didn't believe. Her murmurings and gentle hugs, however, calmed him to a certain point, but nothing would ever be the same, and he knew it was all his fault.

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Thanks for your patience...I'm back from vacation (I loooove Miami!). So the rest of the story should be finished & posted within the next week. Thanks again for the feedback! _

**Chapter 9**

Martin wasn't sure what time it was, but it was still dark outside. He turned slightly, eyes drawn towards the small amount of light that was peeking into the room. As the fog of sleep slowly faded away he became more aware of his surroundings, of where he was…and why. Sharp, painful memories stabbed through him and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force them away.

His sister's couch was more comfortable than he'd expected, but he'd never expected to be able to fall asleep. After such a long trip home – transferring planes and slowly making his way through the airports and customs – he was exhausted. More so, his heart was broken, and retelling the story to his sister had taken nearly everything out of him. Still though…he hadn't expected to sleep so easily. Of course, seeing that it was still dark outside, he may have only slept for an hour or two.

Something had woken him though, and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he focused on the room around him, listening carefully. It was raining softly outside, but that was calming more than anything else. For some reason, it seemed very important that he figure out what had woken him. It was easier than thinking about anything else. About why he was here now. About _Danny_. And his sleep had been dreamless and quiet…an escape from the pain he was still drowning in.

"Is that your brother?"

A male voice, unrecognizable for a few moments until he realized it was David, his sister's husband. When Martin had arrived earlier David hadn't been home, something Martin had been grateful for. Not that he had anything against the other man, but all things considered, he didn't know him very well. And being that he was confessing his sexuality as well as a love affair gone wrong, he was just as glad that David wouldn't be home for several hours.

"Shh David, not so loud…" His sister's voice now, an exaggerated whisper over the gentle closing of a cupboard. It hadn't taken much to ascertain that they were in the kitchen as their voices and the dim light were both coming from that direction. His best guess was that David had returned home late from his concert rather than stay at the venue and return home the next day.

"…back from Cuba? Just today?" David asked, some of his words lost as he must have moved further away from the doorway between rooms.

When no answering reply came right away, Martin thought that Maggie must have lowered her voice further, but he heard the refrigerator close and the soft clink of dishes against the table. And then David's voice, stern but full of an obvious sort of love as he told her to sit down, that he'd get his own food and she should be resting in her _condition_.

And Martin nearly smiled, thinking that Maggie was probably scowling at her husband now, the same way she had earlier when Martin had said the same thing. That he should go home and shouldn't be worrying her, in her condition. But Maggie had refused to listen, snapping that she was perfectly capable of doing more than lie around the house. It had only been after he'd stopped hugging her in the doorway that he had noticed that she was pregnant. It had been a brief respite from his heartache, seeing her so happy, realizing that he was going to be an uncle…it was something to look forward to where he had nothing else.

"Mags?" David asked again after a few moments of silence. "Did something go wrong? You look worried…"

Martin held his breath as he heard Maggie sigh, could almost picture her eyes full of concern – the same look she had bestowed upon him earlier. Sympathy and compassion wasn't something he was used to, and he'd had to fight the urge to run away from it and her earlier. He was more accustomed to suffering in silence…an art he'd nearly perfected. But Maggie, even though they had only become close within the past year or so, had a way of getting him to open up and to accept her comfort.

"Not with the assignment," she answered finally. Martin sat up slightly, straining to hear everything they said. "He…" she stopped again as David – from the sounds of it – poured himself a drink. Chair legs scraped softly on the floor and Martin could very nearly picture the two of them huddled together over the table. "He had his heart broken David," she murmured quietly, a distinct edge of sadness in her voice.

He expected laughter or maybe a simple "is that all?" from David, but the other man was surprisingly compassionate in his reply. Of course, Martin wasn't really sure if it was surprising or not as he didn't know David all that well. "Badly?" David asked softly. "Because he had to leave?" he went on, as Maggie must have nodded her reply. "Or did she do something to…"

"David…" Abrupt, pointed tone to her voice…something passing between them that must have been so much more obvious in their eyes than just what he was hearing.

Silence then for several moments, stretched interminably – or so it seemed to Martin. And he waited, heart pounding nervously in his chest, a fearful realization just starting to form in his mind.

"So you were right?" David asked, voice nearly a whisper.

And Martin couldn't read his voice, couldn't pick out the disgust in the realization no matter how badly he strained to listen. But David _knew_. They had both _known_, and Martin's confession to Maggie earlier had only been confirmation. Quickly, he thought back to that conversation…his heart so smothered with pain, so desperate for her comfort, that he had missed her understanding. And as he thought back now, he saw what he hadn't been able to then. She had not been surprised at his confession to having had a relationship with another man.

"He's never been in love before David…"

"…and you're worried about him."

Compassion and understanding in David's voice. Maggie's voice worried to the point where it started to shake as she kept talking, words Martin only half-heard, still recovering from his shock and wondering what he was supposed to do next.

"I'm…I'm not sure how to help him get through this," Maggie said lastly, her voice soft, heartfelt. "Not completely anyway…"

Another pause of silence, this one lasting longer than the others, and Martin pictured them hugging, felt a jolt of happiness for his sister that she had found someone who so obviously loved her. "He can stay here Mags," David murmured finally, breaking the silence. "For as long as he needs." She sighed happily and Martin could picture her smiling. "You can take care of him…and he'll be here when I can't so I won't have to worry about you as much."

"Thank you David…" she said softly.

It was quiet for a while then and eventually the kitchen light went off. Martin turned inward towards the back of the couch, clutching the blanket up closer around his shoulders and shutting his eyes. He _felt_ them stop before going upstairs, felt them watch him silently for just a few moments before turning away.

He was grateful to his sister, he really was. In fact, he knew that this would be so much harder if he didn't have her to be there for him. And although still leery, still unsure of David's apparent acceptance, Martin was also thankful for what he'd said and that he didn't mind him staying. But part of him just wanted to be alone, to wallow in his misery and embrace his pain, because he couldn't foresee things getting better or easier. There was no way that he could imagine that he would ever stop hurting or stop missing Danny or stop wanting to be with him. And no amount of comfort would change that.

He knew it was dangerous but he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Danny...the way he smiled, the touch of his skin, his voice whispering in Martin's ear... He stopped his thoughts abruptly, biting down sharply on his lower lip to stifle a cry. Achingly aware of his broken heart, Martin hugged his arms around himself and burrowed deeper into the back of the couch, pulling the blanket more firmly around his shoulders. As he listened quietly to the rain and tried to fall asleep again, he thought back to everything he'd told Maggie earlier and to what he'd overheard her discussing with David...

"_I'm sorry Maggie…" he said softly, his voice trembling. Pulling back from her embrace, he wiped hastily at his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get his emotions under control. "I didn't…" he stopped abruptly and looked at her more closely._

"_Martin," she murmured, stepping closer to him again, eyes full of worry._

_But he shook his head and, despite his broken heart, despite the pain he was sure he would never stop feeling; he managed to smile…brightly. He took her hands in his own, glanced down at her slightly rounded stomach and then up at her eyes again. "You're pregnant," he said, smiling further when she blushed and nodded. And for a few brief moments, her obvious happiness obliterated everything else. "When is the baby due?" he asked, grinning._

_She smiled at him, eyes full of an obvious excitement and pride now. "Not for four more months…" she answered. "I wasn't one hundred percent sure before you left for Cuba so I didn't say anything then," she added softly._

_They were silent for a few minutes and Martin knew she was waiting for him to continue. But it was so much easier – especially for him – to ignore the real reason he'd come here. The reason that had him breaking down in front of her just minutes ago. Instead he thought about being an uncle, of how happy he was for his sister and the family she was starting…something he was sure he would never have…_

"_Martin…" He looked up, swallowing over the lump in his throat as he met her eyes and saw concern there again. Gently, she squeezed his hand and pulled him into the living room after her. A very big part of him wanted to run away…to apologize for how he'd acted before and rush out the door before she had a chance to stop him. But he knew she'd find out anyway…she'd find him, and wouldn't let up until she got answers. Besides…the prospect of leaving, of being all alone again was daunting at best. He didn't trust himself to be alone and that was especially terrifying._

"_What happened in Cuba?" she asked, after several minutes of silence. _

_He swallowed hard, could feel the tears welling up in his eyes again despite how badly he didn't want to cry anymore. But when he finally looked up and met her eyes he couldn't seem to stop himself, pressing his fist against his lips to stop a sob escaping even as the tears started to fall._

"_Shh…Martin…" she murmured, arms pulling him close even as he resisted. And he had no choice against her insistence, giving up after only a moment and clinging tightly to her instead. "Tell me what's wrong," she pleaded, her hand running soothingly over his shoulders and up and down his back._

"_It's…it's all my fault Maggie," he cried. "I lost him."_

"_Lost who?" she asked softly, leaning closer as he turned away. "Did something go wrong with your assignment…did someone get hurt?"_

_He shook his head and tried to take a deep breath. When she took his hand in hers he let her…squeezing back as he shut his eyes. "No," he answered. "Danny," he whispered, voice trembling, his heart aching sharply as he said the other man's name out loud. "I lost Danny…and it's all my fault."_

"_Who's Danny Martin?" she murmured, pulling him back against the cushions of the couch, her hand still gripping tightly to his._

_He looked at her closely for a few moments, struck by the sympathy and concern he saw, written all over her face. Strangely enough, he had assumed this would be harder. Besides Danny, whom he'd only confessed certain things to under the guise of lies, Maggie was the only person in his life he'd ever felt comfortable talking with so honestly. _

"_Is he someone you work with?" _

_He shook his head again, eyes still locked on hers, an almost identical set of blue to his own. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, willing his voice not to tremble. "Danny is…he's…I love him Maggie," he confessed shakily. He went on quickly before he had the chance to chicken out. "I met him in Cuba…I was spying on his brother and uncle…I…we…we became lovers," he rushed over the words, finally looking away from her eyes; he could feel himself blushing. "But I never told him why I was there…and then he found out and he's still there, and I…had to come back because it's not safe and…I ruined everything Maggie…" he stammered, looking up again, noting the surprise in her eyes. But it changed quickly and she reached out to grip his shoulder, eyes softening with compassion._

_She nodded softly, as if confirming something, and Martin didn't even think to ask her about it. "There's nothing worse than a broken heart," she murmured. Her eyes stayed locked on his and his resolve didn't last long. She pulled him close when his face crumpled, tears falling again as he let her hold him. _

_They stayed up for a long time and he told her more of what had happened. She'd ask the occasional question, but mainly kept listening and offering her comfort…things he was extremely grateful for. Too involved in his story, in the heartache that just wasn't going away, he forgot to notice how unsurprised she had been over the whole issue of his sexuality. Exhausted finally, she had insisted on him staying, bringing him a blanket and pillow for the couch and promising to help him through this as best she could._

It was a surprise of sorts to wake up and find that the sun was shining. He hadn't expected to sleep through the night, but he'd been surprisingly untroubled by dreams. It wasn't as easy, however, to wake up and _remember_.

"You're awake."

He turned his head slowly, blinking as his eyes found his sister, sitting quietly in a chair across the room. She put aside a book and stood up, crossing the room to perch on the edge of the couch next to him. He sat up a little bit and yawned, rubbing his hand across his eyes.

She reached out, her smile sad, and grasped his hand lightly. "Any better?" she asked softly.

Martin shook his head, looking down. "At least I'm not tired now," he answered. He wished he could escape back into sleep again, wondered if all of his nights would be so easy. Maybe if he weren't here at his sister's house, but at his own apartment, alone in the dark…he had trouble believing he'd be able to sleep so easy without thinking of Danny and of what he'd lost.

At the thought of the other man, he drew in on himself again, pain flickering brightly across his features as he turned away, nearly cowering against the back of the couch. She moved closer and touched his shoulder gently. "Marty, I'm so sorry," she murmured.

He looked up at her for a few moments and suddenly found himself smiling. "You know I hate being called that," he said, voice trembling with his effort of holding back tears. Yet he still found himself able to smile, something she returned easily, the proud look of a sister who did nothing quite so well as annoying her older brother. She shrugged, looking supremely unimpressed by his mock glare. Within moments they were both laughing, and Martin felt his heartache lift just the tiniest bit. But even as wondered over her ability to make him feel better, he couldn't help but think back to the night before and the questions he still wanted to ask.

"Maggie?"

"Hmm?" she asked, looking over at him, her smile fading as she glimpsed the hesitance and confusion in his expression. "What is it Martin?"

"How did you…how did you know about me?" he asked softly.

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

Blushing, he looked down at his hands and paused for a few moments. "You…Maggie when I told you about Danny you weren't…surprised or shocked. You just…accepted it and it was like you already knew and…" he trailed off nervously. He left out the fact that he had overheard her conversation with David, confirming that Maggie had already suspected the truth about his sexuality.

But her eyes were soft when she looked at him and she reached out and squeezed his hand tightly. "I didn't know Martin, not for sure. It just didn't surprise me," she answered.

"But…_why_? Did I do something to make you think that…"

She shook her head, stopping his question before he asked it. "There was nothing specific. I mean, you've never had an important relationship with a woman, but that wasn't surprising, considering that most of the women you have dated were on a suggestion of our parents," she went on with a little grimace. "But I knew you weren't happy…for _so_ _many_ reasons, and after a while I just started to think that it was more than just your not having a girlfriend or feeling trapped at work…I just thought there was something _else_," she said gently. "But Martin, it was never anything blatant or outward on your part," she assured him.

He sighed, releasing a shaky breath, feeling unexpectedly relieved. There was more he wanted to tell and ask her, but for the moment it was easier to leave things as they were and wait for another time.

"I want you to stay here," she said after a while, her voice quiet, nervous almost. He looked at her carefully, waiting because he knew she wasn't finished. "Martin, I know how important it is for you to be independent and on your own, and I understand that, really. But…I don't want you to be alone right now. And David said it's all right if you stay and…" she stopped, eyes narrowing as she saw him smiling at her. "What?"

"Thank you Maggie," he said softly. "I _do_ want to stay…at least for a little while, so you don't have to argue. I don't want to be alone right now either," he finished softly, smile fading as he looked away. She was right though…he valued his independence, his ability to be on his own without needing anyone else. It had gotten him through life up until very recently. Now though…the last thing he wanted was to go back to his apartment by himself. To sit there alone – especially at night – and get lost in his thoughts. He wasn't naïve enough to convince himself that by staying at Maggie and David's house that he'd be happy and everything would be fine. But by staying here, at least he would have someone to turn to when his thoughts turned dark and his memories became unrelenting and overwhelming.

tbc...


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Martin stood in the hallway, peeking in at the family that had become his refuge. His sister, David, and their now one-year-old daughter, Kathy. So much had changed in his life over the past year and he would be forever grateful to them. He'd be lying if he said it had stopped hurting. It had gotten easier, yes, but he still missed Danny, still wanted him back in his life. But he'd resigned himself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen. And there would never be anyone else, of that he was certain. He couldn't imagine being with another man, couldn't imagine he'd ever find himself able to trust and fall in love with anyone the way he had with Danny.

"Martin, you made it!"

He smiled at Maggie, slipping off his jacket as he joined them in the living room. He sat down on the floor where they were playing with Kathy. She crawled over to Martin and he smiled, gently pulling his niece up into his lap. "Mike let me off early," Martin explained, his eyes bright as he gazed down at Kathy. She laughed as she looked up at him, squirming a bit in his arms. He felt a familiar burst of love and protectiveness in his heart. He adored his young niece to no end; and it was hard to be depressed around her.

"Are you hungry?" David asked. "Mags made a ton of food."

Martin shook his head. "I'm fine thanks."

"You can take some home," Maggie said decidedly.

He'd ended up staying with Maggie and David until Kathy had been born. Several times he'd thought about and suggested going back to his own apartment, but Maggie had insisted he stay, and David never minded, liking the idea of Martin being there with Maggie when he was away performing. Once Kathy had been born though, Martin had insisted on leaving, knowing that they would need the space. It had been a relief of sorts to go home, to be on his own again, although there were times, of course, that he missed the company. More than once, he'd ended up spending a random night at his sister's.

As Kathy crawled out of his lap, he sat back against the couch and watched the three of them. It was strange…his ability to feel happy, content and still so empty at the same time.

"_Hey, Martin…glad you're here, can you…grab this for me?" Maggie asked, struggling to reach a cup from the top shelf of the cupboard._

"_Damn it Maggie, what are you doing?" Martin asked angrily. He was already on edge and upset. Seeing his very pregnant sister balancing on a small stool, practically climbing onto the kitchen counter did not help his mood. He grabbed her by the arm and quickly helped her down off the stool, glaring at her as she stepped away. He reached up to the top shelf and snatched the cup that she had been unsuccessfully reaching for._

_He pushed it into her hands as he turned around. "Here," he snapped. "Sit down." He ushered her into a kitchen chair, plucking the cup back from her fingers angrily. "What do you want to drink?"_

_She crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at him, her blue eyes cold and angry. "Orange juice," she answered tightly. "What the hell is your problem?"_

"_You're eight months pregnant and you're climbing all over the counters, balancing on some rickety old stool. There were no other glasses you could drink from? What would've happened if you fell? And I'm not here, David's not here…damn it Maggie…" he trailed off, more worried now than angry. He pictured the exact scenario he'd just described and found himself plainly horrified._

_She opened her mouth to protest but sighed instead, noting the fear that had crossed his face. "You're right, I'm sorry…I don't know why it was so necessary that I have this particular cup," she said, looking frustrated now. "Ridiculous really," she added. "I just feel so crazy sometimes…I really can't wait to have this baby so I can feel more…normal again!"_

_He took a deep breath and nodded, smiling wearily at her. "Just…don't go climbing around on the counters anymore, okay?" he asked._

_She grinned, nodding as she took a sip of juice. "Wait!" she exclaimed suddenly, setting her drink down hastily and nearly spilling it, her eyes wide as she looked at him. "Did you do it?"_

_He looked up, eyes darkening, feeling upset again, angry and so very tired. "Yes," he answered simply. "I quit. So now I don't have a job, told our father that I couldn't live in his shadow anymore, that I couldn't and wouldn't let him control or spy on me…I told him exactly what happened to me in Cuba…so I'm pretty positive I've been disinherited as well," he said bitterly. He was trembling slightly, sitting back in his seat, unable to stop himself from wrapping his arms around his chest protectively. It had been the right decision. Quitting the CIA, breaking ties with his father…but he'd be lying if he wasn't feeling lost now. Everything he'd known for such a long time was gone, and now he had to start over…_

_Maggie slid her chair closer to his, reaching out to wrap an arm around his shoulder, her other hand gripping tightly to one of his. "I know this was hard for you," she murmured._

"_That's an understatement," he snapped, shaking his head as apology when she clucked her tongue and nudged him._

"_You know that you weren't going to be happy there…especially after what happened in Cuba. And quitting was the only way you were ever going to be free…" she said sadly._

"_I know, I just…I'm afraid because I have no idea what I'm going to do next," he answered. Sighing, he shut his eyes for a few moments and ran his hand over his forehead. The next words came out of his mouth before he could even think to stop them. "You defied them…you did what you wanted to do Maggie…but they still accept you…" he protested softly. And despite knowing it was good to discuss this with her, a very big part of him hated it. For so long he'd been so good at keeping his feelings buried, his emotions hidden…Maggie forced him to talk._

"_They don't," she murmured. "Not really. You just…Martin, you're so good at keeping everything bottled up, yet at the same time, you can't act," she said, smiling softly. "Play their game…but only when you have to. That's what I do, that's why we've reached a sort of…peace. But it's not acceptance."_

_They were quiet for a while, Martin leaning on her gratefully, thinking about what she said, and how – for once – she hadn't gone on to elaborate. Her words sunk in, nonetheless, and he found himself wondering if he'd ever get the chance to try. His father's words to him had been harsh and finite. Martin saw very little room for an opening, and despite the freedom he felt – mixed with the fear and nervousness – he couldn't help the part of him that still wanted that acceptance and pride from the man he'd tried for so long to please._

"_Do me a favor Martin," Maggie said softly after a while. She pulled back and reached for her cup again, taking a drink before looking up at him and smiling. "Don't tell David about finding me on a stool in the kitchen, okay?"_

_He laughed and shook his head. "I promise."_

_-----_

_It was just nine o'clock, but Maggie had gone to bed with a slight headache. David was in another room, playing his cello, practicing for an upcoming concert. Martin found himself alone in the living room, thankful for the relative peace and a few moments of solitude. Yet he knew his thoughts had the potential to stray to Danny. Maggie had tried to convince him that it was a good thing…thinking about him and remembering their time together. But Martin tried his hardest to stay away from thoughts of the other man. Sometimes he couldn't avoid it…late at night when he couldn't sleep, wanting and wishing so desperately that Danny was there, holding him, murmuring in his ear. He was afraid of remembering, of looking back and thinking about what he had lost. But he was also afraid that if he thought about Danny too much, he'd get over him. If he let himself work through the deep and powerful feelings he still had…that he'd be able to let them go. And he didn't want that. Not yet anyway. Maybe not ever._

_But tonight, he just wanted to relax after the drama and intensity of his day, so he was looking forward to sitting down, not thinking about himself, reading the newspaper…something simple and easy. _

_It shouldn't have surprised him as viciously as it had. But there it was in black and white on the front page of the world news section: violence and bloodshed amidst a revolution in Cuba. He stumbled over the words, found it hard to read with his hands shaking, a feeling of panic bubbling up inside him. It didn't take long for him to find the words he'd been dreading – but expecting. No specific names, but a confirmation of what Martin had known would happen. Hundreds of the upper class killed. The rich, the ones so much better off than the country's poorer citizens…killed and brutalized…what he and the CIA had seen coming from the information they'd gathered. What _Danny_ had predicted._

_No, it wasn't a surprise…but he felt as if he were drowning. Helpless, crumbling, he let out a cry of pain, his coffee cup falling from his fingers and shattering on the wooden floor below. His tears came quickly, burning hot against his cheeks as he pushed the paper away from him, sliding to the floor and trying to pick up the pieces of broken glass._

_It was one thing for him to live alone, to ache for and miss Danny. It was quite another to believe him dead._

_The tears caused his vision to blur, and he felt the broken shards of the coffee cup cut his fingers. _

"What's wrong querido?"

"You've never done this before, have you?"

"I like waking up with you."

"You've been lonely."

_Sobbing now, he pressed his hands to his eyes, curling in towards the couch as he heard Danny's voice in his head. Whispered words, laughter, his expressive brown eyes that saw things in Martin that he had trouble seeing himself. Martin could feel his hands on his skin, his breath on his neck, lips curving upwards into a grin as they kissed him. He lost himself in memories, in the feelings he couldn't stop, couldn't make go away. The possibility that Danny might have been killed, that there would never be a chance – no matter how slim – for Martin to see him again._

_And that thought tore through him suddenly and unexpectedly – swift and brutal, a sharp knife to his entire being. He'd never voiced the thought, had never even allowed himself to really think it. But somewhere, deep down, had been the hope that maybe someday he would find Danny again. That there was a chance, no matter how slim, that they could be together._

_But now, despite the fact that the newspaper hadn't named specifics, hadn't given any names as to who had been killed, Martin's hope was devastated._

"_Martin?"_

_He froze at the sound of David's voice, wanting to be invisible, to hide, to – above all – not be crumpled on the floor, sobbing. And yet, he couldn't seem to make his body move and get up off the floor to run away, couldn't stop crying, couldn't even find the strength to feel embarrassed. Refusing to look up, he stayed where he was. He heard the sound of the newspaper rustling and then a brief silence before he became aware of David sitting on the floor next to him._

_He waited, unsure of what to do next, but after a few moments he came to realize that David didn't want anything from him. David leaned closer, a gentle nudge of his shoulder against Martin's. "My brother is in the army," David said, his voice low, calm. "He went to Europe…World War Two. I can remember my mother crying after she heard a radio broadcast about hundreds of soldiers being killed by the Germans. My brother came home about two months later with a broken leg. He was fine."_

_Martin turned to face him, surprised at the gentle acceptance and understanding he saw in David's expression. Their eyes met for a few moments, and Martin felt the beginnings of calm start to settle over him._

"_Martin, I'm not trying to give you false hope. You know what's going on there better than I do, but…he could be okay," David said softly._

_Martin felt himself tremble again, felt his eyes well up with tears again. He was strangely unsurprised to feel David's arm around his shoulders, and he went willingly when his brother-in-law helped him to his feet, pulling him gently away from the living room and down the hall to the guest room he'd been staying in._

"_David?"_

_Martin didn't look up at the sound of his sister's voice, worried and nearly frightened. He stayed where he was instead, feeling surprisingly secure and calm under David's touch. Maybe it was his lack of a reassuring and trustworthy male figure in his life, but he felt safe with David as if he were an older brother or a friend he'd known forever._

"_It's okay Maggie, go back to bed," David said quietly, his voice firm. Martin had no doubt that he'd explain the situation to Maggie later, but he was grateful that he wasn't doing it now._

_When they reached the door of Martin's room, he slipped out from under David's arm and looked up at him, a mixture of gratefulness and embarrassment flitting through his expression. "I should clean up the coffee cup…" Martin said, biting his lower lip, feeling ridiculous for not saying anything else._

_David smiled softly and shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."_

_Martin nodded. "David…thank you, I…" he paused, eyes meeting the other man's for only a brief moment before flitting back down to the floor again. _

_But David merely nodded, a look of understanding in his eyes and he reached out to squeeze Martin's shoulder quickly. "Get some sleep." _

_Martin watched him walk down the hall, heard the sounds of David cleaning up the broken glass as he shut the bedroom door. Despite the hurt and uncertainty still clawing at his heart over what he had read, he felt calmer now thanks to the other man. Something had shifted in their relationship, and Martin felt stronger somehow. He'd never expected understanding or acceptance from David, but now he felt both…and tonight, David had been there for him in a way that he didn't think even his sister would have been able to. He had needed a calm sort of comfort, which David had effortlessly provided. _

After spending a good hour playing with Kathy, Maggie put her to bed while David and Martin caught up, having not seen each other for a week or so. David had been away, performing several concerts in the surrounding states; Martin had been spending a lot of time working.

After he had quit the CIA, the last thing he had wanted to do was sit around with nothing to do…not to mention the fact that he needed the money since his father had gone through with his threat to cut him off. It had been strangely freeing though, and Martin felt that he had gained an independence he had never really been able to achieve in the past.

David had helped him get a job bartending at one of the clubs he used to frequent with his music. It was harder work than Martin would've expected, but he grew to like it quickly because it kept him busy and didn't leave him a lot of time to think. It wasn't what he wanted to do forever, but it was exactly what he needed for the time being.

As he settled onto Maggie and David's couch, he thought back to the first night he had slept here. Everything and nothing had changed since then. He was still heartbroken, still missing Danny and wanting him…wanting to _be with_ him. However, he'd gained a new sort of independence in the past year, a strength that he had never had before. Where he had been insecure and uncertain before, he now found himself confident and proud. The past year and a half had made him a different person, and while he'd do _anything_ to have Danny back, he felt as if he'd found out who he was really supposed to be.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

He was looking forward to having the next three days off. It was a rare occasion, but he had decided he'd take a few days off. As much as he loved the busyness and bustling atmosphere at the bar – as it left him little time to think – he knew he was going to need a change. Something solid and permanent…something meaningful. The trouble was he had no idea where to start. For so long his life had been a misguided attempt to please his father, to fit in. The college he'd gone to, what he'd studied, his career with the CIA…all things he'd done without bothering to find out if it was _really_ what _he_ wanted to do. Now though, he intended to use his few days off to sit down and think about it, to relax and decide where he wanted this life to go next.

Maggie had insisted he stop over for dinner when he was finished with work, promising him that she wouldn't keep him long. It was an invitation he couldn't refuse, as his sister's cooking would be better than anything he'd be able to get out at a restaurant.

David was on his way out as Martin stepped onto their front porch. He clapped Martin on the shoulder and smiled warmly at him, a strange, almost mysterious look in his expression.

"Concert tonight?" Martin asked.

David shook his head as he zipped up his coat and picked up his cello. "I wouldn't say that…more of a _gig_ for an old friend," he said, shrugging and looking down at his watch. "And it looks like I'm going to make a fashionably late entrance."

Martin laughed. "See you later David…good luck."

David smiled and called his thanks after him as he took off down the street for the nearest bus stop. Martin stepped inside the house and closed the door behind him, jumping in surprise when Maggie suddenly appeared in the hallway. Not used to being greeted so quickly by his sister – he usually had to search the house for her – he raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Have you been waiting so desperately for me to arrive or did you just happen to get stuck here after saying goodbye to David?" he asked, slipping out of his coat and hanging it over the banister.

Maggie smiled and shook her head, stepping in front of him when he made a move to go into the living room and hopefully see Kathy if she were still awake. She smiled sheepishly at him before looking away, eyes darting around the hallway nervously. She seemed very jumpy and Martin had to wonder why.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked, voice a mixture of slight-concern and brotherly aloofness. "You're acting weird Maggie."

She blushed and shook her head, reaching out to squeeze one of his hands for a moment. When she looked up, her eyes were soft and a little misty, causing him to frown. "Seriously Maggie…what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she insisted. "I have…there's a…surprise for you, a _good_ one," she rushed on, knowing he hated surprises. "And nothing _I've_ planned," she added.

"Well?" he asked after a few moments of silence; he was growing impatient.

"I'm sorry Marty, I'm just…happy," she nearly whispered. She squeezed his hand again and nodded in the direction of the living room. "In there."

He frowned when she turned and made her way to the kitchen, almost rushing out of the hallway as if she didn't have a choice. "Maggie? Aren't you coming?"

She turned back and shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears and a strangely contrasting expression of happiness now. "David made me promise to leave you alone." She said nothing else, turning away from him quickly – as if she had to force herself to go now or she wouldn't be able to.

He thought about going after her, but he was confused and, despite how much he disliked surprises, he was incredibly intrigued now. But surprise didn't begin to cover what he felt when he stepped into his sister's living room. There were no words that could possibly describe the feelings that assaulted him in one quick moment.

Danny. Here. Now.

Martin took a step backwards, his eyes locked on the man before him. Danny's smile was soft, his eyes teary and filled with an emotion Martin couldn't quite identify. He took a tentative step forward and Martin felt a sharp stab of emotion threaten to knock him over. Martin stumbled backwards further and flattened himself against the wall, needing something to support and keep him from falling over.

"Danny…" he whispered. He was having trouble believing that this was real, that Danny was _here_ in his sister's living room. He wanted more than anything to step forward, to _touch_ him…yet he was oddly terrified that if he tried Danny would simply vanish.

But Danny moved closer to him instead, stopping right in front of Martin, close enough to touch. "I'm really here," Danny said very softly as if he had been able to read Martin's thoughts. He reached out, fingers trembling, and touched Martin's cheek.

Martin's eyes filled with tears, a whimper escaping his lips, the warmth of Danny's touch seeping into his skin…going straight to his heart. It was a blur then, reaching out with desperate hands, touching Danny – confirming that he was real – Danny stepping closer, pulling Martin into his arms until they were pressed tightly together. Martin buried his face against Danny's neck, breathing him in, hands greedy, pressing him closer. And Danny arms were tight around him, possessive, making Martin feel things he'd forced himself to ignore and forget for so long now.

"I've missed you so much," Martin choked out, his throat tight, his eyes blurry from tears.

Danny's hand was in his hair, soothing, the other still secure around his waist. "I've missed you too baby," he whispered. "I heard you come in just now…talking to your sister in the hallway. It was so hard staying here…I wanted to come out right away and pull you into my arms." He pulled back just slightly, brown eyes wet and beautiful, filled with a poignant mix of relief and sadness. He leaned forward, pressed his forehead to Martin's and shut his eyes. "It's been so hard…being away from you," he said softly, his breath warm against Martin's face. "God Martin, I just…" he paused, laying his hand against Martin's cheek, their eyes locked. Danny pushed closer and pressed their lips together, and they both whimpered softly, arms tightening around one another as they kissed. Martin felt like he was drowning and he wanted so badly to go under.

When their kiss finally broke, they continued holding each other, close, quiet. Martin had no idea what happened next, what he was supposed to do or how to act…he just knew that he couldn't let go, wanted to stay here, always, safely ensconced in Danny's arms.

"How did you find me?" Martin murmured softly, resting his head on Danny's shoulder, tightening his arms around his lower back.

"I'd always intended on finding you," Danny replied, his lips against Martin's ear, his breath warm. "It took me a while though."

They were silent after that and Martin was still waiting for the catch, still waiting for this to be a dream. It didn't seem possible that Danny would be here with him now, in his sister's house, holding him. More importantly though, there was a strange feeling of unease settling over him. Danny seemed different, distant despite his warm kisses and embraces. He pulled back after a while, only slightly, and looked into Danny's eyes. They were soft, warm…full of a calm sort of relief and happiness, but still something else lingered that Martin was reluctant to identify.

Martin frowned and shook his head, feeling restless and guilty. "I lied to you," he said softly, voice shaking. "I betrayed you Danny…why…why would you want to find me?"

Danny leaned closer and kissed Martin on the forehead, one hand slipping up to stroke gently across the back of his neck. "It's all in the past Martin," he murmured. "It doesn't matter anymore," he added almost absently.

And Martin wanted to protest because it did matter…he had spent the past year regretting his actions and lies, wishing he'd done things differently. He frowned and shook his head, looking up at Danny pleadingly. "But Danny, I…"

Danny shook his head and cupped Martin's face in his hands, looking at him intently. "Is there somewhere we can go?" he asked softly. "To talk…I have so much I want to tell you. And I…" he trailed off, eyes sparkling for a moment as he bit down on his lip and ran his thumb across Martin's lower lip.

Martin blushed, sighing as Danny's fingers roamed, flitting softly over his neck and ears and into his hair. He felt his stomach tighten and tendrils of heat started to make their way through his body causing him to press slightly closer. It was something he hadn't quite expected…only because he'd rarely let himself think about Danny physically. Had fantasized only a few times…the high he experienced while reliving their intimate moments was quickly followed by the harsh reality that he was alone and that his heart was still broken. So he'd tried to avoid such thoughts of the other man, but now, here…with Danny's arms around him, his touch soft, arousing…Martin found himself wanting nothing more than to touch Danny again and to have Danny touch him.

Reluctantly, he pulled out of Danny's embrace, hands running down his arms, unwilling to stop touching him completely. "My apartment is across town," he murmured, swallowing hard when Danny took Martin's hand in his own, thumb pressing into his palm in a way that had Martin's heartbeat speeding up. "But we can take a cab," he added, nearly breathless now.

Danny nodded, his eyes flashing with an anxious sort of desire…and something more that again, Martin found himself unable to identify. They stepped into the hallway and Martin turned as Danny opened the front door, calling out to his sister.

"Um, Maggie we're going to go to my apartment for a little while…" he said, eyes downcast, voice shaking nervously.

But when he looked up Maggie's eyes were understanding and happy. She nodded and waved him away, adjusting her daughter where she held her on her hip. To Martin's surprise, Danny told her goodbye as well and he watched as something unspoken quickly passed between the two of them. He made a mental note to ask about it later and then followed the other man out the door.

-----

Something wasn't quite right. And the closer they got to Martin's apartment, the more he was starting to realize it. It didn't make sense…Danny being here for one thing. But more importantly, Martin could sense a strange sort of anxiety in Danny…hovering just below the surface. And, although he'd been infinitely relieved, he wasn't sure he could accept Danny's forgiveness so readily. Because he remembered the hurt he had seen in Danny's eyes after he'd discovered Martin's true identity. And they'd never talked about it or worked through it…they'd only had a night of desperate lovemaking, tinged with sadness and regret and the knowledge that Martin had to leave the next day.

Now though, no matter how loudly his heart was protesting to just leave things alone, he couldn't help but wanting to discover the truth. He was confused and uncertain about what all of this meant. Most of all, he didn't want to lose Danny a second time; he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it.

But when they reached Martin's apartment, his reason, his protests…they died on his lips the instant Danny pulled him into his arms. It was frantic and passionate; hands greedy as they reached for each other, yanking at one another's clothes in a desperate attempt to touch skin, to get closer. Their kisses were sloppy and hard as Martin tugged Danny in the direction of his bedroom.

It was a blur, yet he felt every second of it. He found himself more confident than he'd ever been with Danny. Not a moment of hesitance, or any time to be shy. He was too busy _wanting_. There were still so many questions he had to ask, answers he was dying to know, but all he could feel right now was Danny. There was a very big part of Martin that believed he might never have this chance again. That Danny had found him, had sought him out only to end things once and for all…to get some sort of closure that they hadn't been able to achieve in Cuba due to the circumstances. And that being the case, he wanted to take advantage of now and to not let this chance pass him by.

To his great surprise, Danny went along willingly with everything, submitting to Martin's touch, arching up against him; their eyes met and Danny nodded. It was so easy…being like this again. Tangled up in Danny, their bodies slick with sweat as they moved with each other, kissing and touching and just being together again. It was hot and quick and full of passion, and through it all there was a longing for each other that had everything to do with the time and distance they'd spent apart. It pervaded everything.

Afterwards, they lay tangled together in Martin's bed, sweaty and breathless, the sheets twisted around them. The distant thunder outside was reminiscent of several of their nights together in Cuba, making Martin ache with familiarity. He pressed a gentle kiss to Danny's neck, raising himself up slightly so that he could look into the other man's eyes. Danny smiled at him, fingers caressing Martin's cheek and his neck, but he looked away quickly, his eyes flashing with a sadness Martin didn't understand.

Martin pressed closer, wrapped his arms more tightly around Danny, wanting for them to be touching as much of each other as possible. "Tell me," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Danny's jaw before looking up again, meeting the other man's surprised expression. "Please Danny," he went on. "What happened to you in Cuba? How did you find me? Why…why did you say you forgive me?" he finished softly, eyes downcast.

Danny touched his chin, forcing his gaze back up. Martin felt his heart break, seeing the sadness and hurt written all over Danny's face. "I _do_ forgive you querido," he whispered.

Martin shook his head, swallowing over a lump in his throat. "But I lied to you and I know I hurt you, even though I never meant to," he choked out, his voice nearly breaking, his eyes stinging with tears. "And you were so angry with me, so upset…and now…"

"Martin, I came to you and warned you to leave," Danny interrupted. He pulled Martin more firmly into his arms, turning them both onto their sides so that they were lying face to face. "Would I have done that if I didn't care about you?"

Martin couldn't answer, only shook his head, hating the tears that leaked from his eyes. He couldn't seem to catch his breath, and while his emotions threatened to overwhelm him, he forced himself to calm down, leaning closer into Danny's soothing touch. "Why?" he asked finally, his voice soft. "Why did you forgive me? How did you find me? What happened…"

"Shh, Martin," Danny soothed, pressing his fingers to Martin's lips, quieting his anxious questions. "I'll tell you everything that happened, all right? I just need…I'm exhausted," he said, eyes flashing with that same look of sadness and regret. "Can we just…sleep for a while?" he murmured.

He nodded in response, noticing for the first time, the dark circles under Danny's eyes, emphasizing further the sorrow in his expression. Martin kissed him softly, reaching down to pull the sheet more firmly over both of them as he pulled Danny to himself. Danny fell asleep within minutes, arms tight around Martin's body, yet he didn't seem to relax even as he slept. Martin frowned and gently ran his hand through Danny's dark hair, trying to soothe him. Settling more comfortably next to Danny, he ran his hand up and down his arm, unable to sleep himself, too afraid the other man would disappear if he shut his eyes. Instead he watched over Danny and waited, wondering what Danny's answers would bring for both of them.

tbc...  
one more chapter left


	12. Chapter 12

_This is the last chapter...thanks so much to everyone who has been reading & reviewing!! _

**Chapter 12**

Martin was still awake though quite close to drifting off to sleep when Danny woke up. He looked confused, frightened for just a second or two before his eyes came into focus, his hands tightening on Martin's skin. There were no other telltale signs that Danny had a nightmare, yet his body was full of unease, restlessness, his pulse quicker than it should have been. It was still dark outside, still raining, and Martin was again reminded of all the nights they'd spent together in Cuba where a brief thunderstorm – common to the Caribbean island – would wake them. The interruption of sleep would often result in warm, lazy sex where neither of them had the energy to try very hard, but it was always incredible nonetheless. However, Martin knew that tonight would not be a similar occasion.

"You can go back to sleep," Martin murmured. "It's still nighttime." He touched Danny's cheek gently, pressing a soft kiss to his lips and smiling reassuringly.

But Danny shook his head, eyes shadowed as he looked downward for a few moments. He reached down and took Martin's hand from where it had been resting on his hip and linked their fingers together. "I won't be able to fall back asleep. Not now. Martin I want to…" he paused, looking up.

Martin swallowed hard, struck by the pain he saw so brightly now in Danny's eyes. "Danny…" he murmured his name and pulled him closer, one hand soft as he brushed the back of his knuckles over Danny's cheek and leaned in to kiss him. He was worried. The anxiety, the sadness he'd sensed in Danny before had grown now and he had to wonder what exactly had led him to this point. The brightness and carefree warmth that Martin loved so deeply was dulled and almost cold now, and he wanted to do anything he could to make it better.

"They're dead," Danny said suddenly, his voice flat. "My brother, my uncle…one of my cousins," he added before Martin could ask.

Martin pressed himself closer, gently touching Danny's neck, his cheek, trying to offer him as much comfort as he could. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Danny looked over at him sharply, his eyes flashing with an unexpected anger. "I'm not," he replied harshly. "Well, for my cousin, yes…he was too young to really understand the situation and he didn't deserve it. But Rafi, my uncle…" he trailed off, something dark flashing through his eyes. Martin said nothing as Danny looked away for a few moments, his eyes shut, his breathing shallow. He did what he could to comfort him, squeezing the hand he still held, gently rubbing his arm and shoulder, but he wondered over Danny's anger. Knew that somewhere, no matter how buried, there was grief for his brother and his uncle's deaths.

He was quiet for a while after that and Martin waited, knowing he had more to say. But he didn't want to rush him, didn't want to press too hard only to have Danny stop talking. He ran his hand over Danny's chest, surprised when Danny grasped it with his free hand and brought it to his lips, pressing kisses to his fingertips. He pulled Martin closer then and kissed him…long, deep kisses that Martin nearly drowned in. Yet, he could feel Danny trembling through it all, knew he was trying to distract himself, to work through the pain without showing it.

When they broke apart Martin stayed close, their foreheads pressed together, his hand on Danny's cheek. "What happened?" he whispered.

Danny's reply was a choked sob as he buried his face against Martin's throat. "They were stupid," he said bitterly after a few moments. "Trying to fight against much bigger numbers. It was all arrogance and misplaced pride…thinking that they would win because they were _better_. But the numbers won out and well…it didn't take long for them to get shot." He paused then, sighing sadly and shutting his eyes for a few moments.

Martin took the time to whisper his name softly, to hold him closer, gently pressing kisses to Danny's neck and chin. His heart was aching for answers, but he knew he had to let Danny explain in his own time. More than anything though, he wished he could do something to take away the helpless sort of pain that colored Danny's features so prominently now.

"They took everything…for the rebellion apparently," he said with a cynical roll of his eyes. His tears had subsided for the moment, an empty sort of anger in his brown eyes now. "Our property, our house, most of what was in it…and they were just _things_ Martin, but some of it was special. It held memories and feelings, and…it was a part of my history that I'll never get back," he said, voice regretful and sad now. He was quiet for a few moments, eyes flitting around the room before looking into Martin's again. Sighing, he shook his head and bit down on his lower lip; he looked broken and Martin wanted to badly to find a way to fix him.

"My mother blamed me for all of it, of course," he went on, voice bitter and upset. "I didn't try to help Rafi and uncle Luis. I didn't stop them from taking our things. Why couldn't they have taken me instead of my brother…"

Martin's eyes widened and he drew in a sharp breath, reaching out to lay his hand on Danny's neck. "She actually said that?" he whispered.

Danny stared at him for a few moments before nodding, eyes fluttering downwards, his cheeks flushing with shame. "Yes," he said, voice small.

"Oh Danny…" Martin murmured, pulling the other man closer, pressing warm kisses to his cheek and his neck. He hated the pain in Danny's eyes, in his voice…and he tried so bravely to shrug it off, to pretend it didn't affect him, but Martin saw through it. "What did you do after they took everything? Where did you go?" he asked, knowing what Danny needed most was to continue talking, to not get too caught up in his memories. And although Martin wanted to help him work through this pain he still harbored with his family – a pain Martin was quite familiar with – he knew it needed more time.

Danny nodded and cleared his throat, a grateful look in his eyes now. "I'm not as useless as they had all assumed," he answered, fighting to keep the bitter tone out of his voice. "Before anything happened, even before I had met you, I'd been putting money into a bank account in Florida under the name Danny Taylor," he explained, a note of clever pride in his words. "I knew what was happening, despite not paying attention for so long. And I had always planned on…escaping, leaving them all behind when the time was right. I just never expected…"

"I ruined things for you," Martin interrupted sorrowfully.

But Danny shook his head and ran his hand through Martin's hair, resting it on his cheek. He leaned closer and pressed their lips together in a quick kiss. "No, it wasn't you. I realized that later…after you'd gone. Even if I'd never met you, the same situation would have arisen, and my original plan? It was to just walk away and to leave my family behind completely. I wouldn't have been able to do that. I thought I could've, but I was fooling myself. No matter how they feel about me or what they said to me…I had to take care of them Martin. And, I did…I brought them to Florida. My mother, my aunt, my cousins…set them up in a house, with an income from the money I'd saved…but that's it," he said, his voice trembling softly. "I couldn't stay there."

"From the time you left…it took me all this time to get out of Cuba, to leave everything behind…something none of them were keen on doing, no matter how many times I tried to explain the situation to them," he said, sounding weary. "And then to get them settled in America, to find a way to get them citizenship…illegal and expensive, but surprisingly near-genuine," he added with a small smirk. "It took up almost the entire past year. In which time all I really wanted to be doing was looking for you…" he finished, voice lower now, eyes softening.

Again Martin was struck with a sense of confusion and wariness, because he knew he had hurt Danny, and no matter how much he had wanted it, he had never expected forgiveness. It just didn't make sense to him. Black was black and white was white…there was no middle ground. "Why?" he asked quietly. "Danny, I don't understand why you'd want to find me again after what I…"

"I love you," Danny interrupted, cupping Martin's face in his hands and looking into his eyes.

Martin felt his chest constrict, everything seemed to stop and he stared at Danny with widened eyes, full of surprise and disbelief. He shook his head, bewildered, speechless; he reached out and gripped onto Danny's arm a little desperately.

Danny smiled, pressing their foreheads together and kissing Martin softly, slowly, one hand passing through his hair. "I love you Martin," he repeated against his lips. "Somewhere, in all that time we spent together in my house I fell in love with you."

"But you didn't--"

"Tell you?"

Martin nodded, biting down on his lower lip as he unconsciously pressed closer to Danny for comfort, sighing when the other man tightened his arms around him.

"I was afraid," Danny admitted. "I've…I've never been in love before," he said softly, a warm smile on his face.

"But you--"

Again, Danny interrupted him, nodding. "I know…I've slept with several people, but Martin I never loved any of them. Not the way I love you," he murmured. He kissed Martin again, lips soft, tongue warm and insistent causing Martin to moan low in his throat. He felt himself drifting, melting as he kissed Danny back, held him closer and willingly gave into his touch. Despite that first kiss in his sister's living room, despite the sex they'd had earlier, it was this moment, this kiss that solidified Danny's return in Martin's mind. It became truly real.

"Why didn't you tell me later? That night…before I left…" he asked softly as their kiss broke.

Danny shook his head, eyes sorrowful. "I couldn't. You wouldn't have left if I had told you then," he said, brushing his knuckles over Martin's cheek. "And I needed you to be safe," he whispered.

He paused for a few moments and Martin felt his heart ache. Danny was absolutely right; if he had known that Danny had loved him then, he never would have left. He would've risked his life to stay with him if he'd believed that Danny loved him. Now, he brought his hand to Danny's neck, his jaw, leaned closer to kiss him again, his body trembling with emotion.

"I love you too Danny," he breathed. "I never stopped."

Danny smiled, his eyes softening, and he nuzzled closer to Martin, murmuring his name as he kissed him again. They stayed that way for a while, bodies pressed together, hands wandering, eyes locked as they traded soft kisses and meaningless whispers.

"You never told me how you found me," Martin said eventually, frowning for a moment as his thoughts shifted directions. "And why didn't you tell me…before I left…that you were planning on finding me again?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly hurt.

Danny looked down for a moment before meeting Martin's eyes again, his own expression serious once more. He put his hand on his cheek, his thumb moving gently over the skin. "I couldn't tell you," he answered softly. "There was a very good chance that I might have never gotten out of Cuba…" he said, trailing off. Martin swallowed hard, his face paling at Danny's words because he knew exactly what he meant, and knew it was true. Danny could've easily been killed in the revolution; he'd thought that very thing not so long ago. "I didn't want you to…wait for me," Danny went on. "I wanted you to be happy, to find someone that…" he trailed off, having difficulty getting the words out.

Martin shook his head, frowning as he grabbed Danny close and kissed him firmly. "There would never be anyone else Danny."

Danny sighed in response and wrapped his arm around Martin's waist, pulling him closer. "Martin, when I was stuck in Havana, searching for a way out of the city and the country, I kept thinking about you. I wanted to stay angry with you for your lies, but I couldn't. Because…well, you were truthful in everything else. Everything that mattered. I realized that later. You lied about who you were and why you were in Havana to begin with, even why we met…but when we were together," he paused to kiss Martin softly. "I _know_ that was the truth."

Martin nodded, tears in his eyes now. "It was…it _is_," he replied hoarsely. "I love you…and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I hated lying to you, but every time I tried to tell you the truth I'd back out of it because I was so scared of losing you," he explained, hands stroking softly through Danny's hair.

Danny smiled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned in for another kiss, trailing his lips across Martin's jaw and neck, laughing softly when Martin shivered. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said, pulling back, smirking at the small pout on Martin's lips. "How I found you…"

"Did you just come to DC and start looking up…wait, I never told you my real last name," Martin said, voice going from teasing to confused. "So how…"

"I stole your address book," Danny admitted, blushing a little. "The last night we were together…I slipped out of bed while you were still sleeping, and I knew I needed something else besides your first name if I was ever going to find you again. And even then, I knew I was going to search…lies or no lies," he said softly, causing Martin's heart to flutter at his conviction. "I found a small book, filled with names and numbers…although it was all very cryptic, some sort of CIA code I assume," he said, raising an eyebrow when Martin nodded. "It took me a while, but I remembered you talking about your sister, Maggie…and then after deciphering your code – which is ridiculously complex," he said, sounding slightly exasperated.

Martin grinned. "Well it had better be!"

Danny rolled his eyes and continued. "I figured out her last name is Fitzgerald…or was. So of course that was a problem when I came to DC, looking for Margaret Fitzgerald when now her last name is Scott."

"But you found her."

"Yes," he said, nodding, fingers slowly tracing the side of Martin's face. "And I was wary at first because I'd already tried so hard but then I saw her and I knew because…she has the same eyes as you," he murmured. "And I just…I was so relieved querido." His voice had dropped to a whisper and he kissed Martin softly, drawing it out, sighing softly into his mouth. "Because I'd been looking for a while," he added, lips brushing against Martin's. "And I was so tired of failing."

Martin trembled when Danny kissed him again, his heart nearly bursting from happiness. He hugged Danny close, returning his kiss and more, so grateful, so undeniably overjoyed that he had _this_ man, _this_ love, and another chance.

"You know this won't be easy," Danny whispered as their kiss broke, his eyes suddenly serious, concerned. "That it won't be the way it was in Cuba. It'll be hard and people will--"

Martin shook his head, silencing Danny with a kiss. "I know. I know and I don't care," he said firmly, his voice filled with conviction. He'd spent his entire life trying to live up to someone else's expectations, trying to find out who he really was and where he was supposed to be. But now he had everything to look forward to despite the obstacles and hardships they were sure to face. He had his own life to live and someone he loved to share it with.

Fin


End file.
